Having Two

I'm sitting in bed nursing Kennedy to sleep while Swen is in the bath (where I can see him from bed so don't worry) and just thinking to myself how much I've learned in the last seven weeks since Kennedy was born.

1. Sitting down is underrated. Really, really underrated. Who knew I would miss just being able to sit for a few minutes without having to do something?

2. Nursing while doing ANYTHING is very possible. Cooking, eating, playing with Swen. You name it, and I've done it while nursing. Gone are the days where I could just sit and watch all my shows while nursing a baby.

3. Everyone should live in his or her parents' basement. We have it ideal because we have our own complete apartment under their house, which means total privacy. But even if that weren't the case, I think I would move in anyway. Their help is worth any privacy I would have to sacrifice. I think Matt would agree. He never has to worry about me because there's almost always someone home. Eli will be leaving for college soon, and Seth has already started school. That makes two fewer people here for support during the day, which makes me sad. Luckily, I have my mom and my dad, and my mom doesn't work many hours and not the same ones as my dad, so one of them is always around. Every mom needs her family upstairs. Period.

4. My house will never be as clean as I want. I love my house to be clean, and with Kennedy in the front pack and Swen playing outside, I can clean up and make it beautiful. Then Swen comes inside (or Matt comes home) and it's all over. Those two boys are messy. I've tried really hard to just accept it and not get frustrated when Swen destroys everything, but I definitely need more patience with that because he's two. And two-years-olds are messy.

5. Laundry never ends. Ever. Just adding Kennedy, I feel like I've doubled my laundry. I don't know why.

6. Seeing Swen pet Kennedy's head and love her makes me the happiest person ever.

7. It is possible to love two children equally. I was worried she wouldn't measure up to Swen. She does.

8. Going places is much harder and less fun. Being home with two kids is much harder and less fun. It's a dilemma on what to do each day. Stay home and try to entertain Swen, or go out while Kennedy screams in the car.

9. Most days I want lots and lots more babies. Other days, two sounds like a wonderful number.

10. It's hard to feel like both kids are getting what they need. I wish I could hold Kennedy all the time. I wish I could play with Swen all the time. I feel like I'm letting them both down quite often. Not to mention I feel like I'm letting myself down because I can't find time to do anything for myself. I don't even shower alone because Swen climbs in the second he hears water.  Hopefully I'll get into more of a routine soon and find a little time for myself each week. I'm not even going to aim for each day, ha!

11.  When I miss out on doing things that aren't kid friendly, I don't really care. I seriously love these babies so much, and nothing is more important than them right now. I will have years and years to go to movies, plays, vacations, and late nights staying up with friends, and I know they'll be grown up before I know it.

12. I love not worrying about Kennedy. With Swen I always worried about his health and that I might be doing things wrong. I doubted myself in everything. Now that he's two and doing amazing, I know the way I raised him was the right way for him and our family. Of course things with Kennedy may be different because she's different and has different needs, but I'm not doubting my choices with her because I trust myself and my instincts.

13. If I knew blogging on my phone was this easy, I may have been better about updating this blog!

14. I have yet to decide which is harder, going from zero to one child or from one to two children. It goes both ways. With a first child, for me, it was a huge shock, going from being totally selfish to being completely selfless and caring for a baby. Not to mention the shock of sleep deprivation. With number two, I have already been a mom for two years, and I am used to sleep deprivation (remember Swen didn't sleep for 15 months and then when he did sleep, he for up at 5:00 every morning?).  However, the business and craziness of two children is definitely hard. Feeling like one of them always needs something from me is exhausting. So I've decided it's a tie. But I have a hunch that going from 2 to 3 kids will be the hardest for sure. I can't even imagine it right now.

15. There's water all over my bathroom floor. Thank you, Swen. I should probably go get him out and clean that up. As well as remind myself about  #4 above.