Saturday, August 6, 2016

Placenta Accreta with my Miscarriage

The last 3.5 months have been the longest and most trying months of my life. But I'm thrilled to be able to say they are finally behind me! In March we found out that we were expecting a third child. While we were completely surprised by this news, we were also beyond excited! A baby born right before Thanksgiving; what could be better than that? When I was about 10 weeks pregnant I started bleeding. I knew something was wrong as I've never bled during pregnancies before. We went to the doctor the next day to find out that the baby had stopped growing at about 8 weeks. In the 6 weeks that we knew we were pregnant, we had already started planning our future with a third baby. We'd purchased a few small things and began looking for a new house to buy to fit a family of five! All of these happy things coming to an end so quickly was devastating.


Unfortunately, that was just the beginning of our bad news. The next day my doctor called to tell me that my ultrasound revealed that the placenta had grown through the scar in my uterus from my previous two C-sections. Yes, right through it. It's called placenta accreta, but if you look it up, you won't find it, at least not occurring in the first trimester and definitely not combined with a miscarriage. My doctor, nor anyone in his practice, had ever seen it under these circumstances before. When accreta happens during the third trimester of a viable pregnancy, the treatment is always a C-section followed by hysterectomy. It is impossible to remove the placenta without causing too much bleeding for the mother. After my doctor told me all of this, he said, "I'm assuming  you and Matt want more kids?" I almost yelled at him, "Yes! Of course we do!" He said he would call around and try to come up with a plan, but most likely, we should prepare for surgery within the week that would most likely lead to a hysterectomy. In two days I went from thinking we'd be having a third child to thinking we won't get to have any more ever.


I know many people have way worse struggles: Death, illness, infertility, etc. But for me in my life, this was the worst thing that had ever happened. All I've ever wanted was to have a big family. Being a mom brings me more joy than I ever imagined, and I wanted more of mine and Matt's little babies. 


After conferring with other doctors, my doctor decided to try an approach other than surgery. He gave me two shots of methotrexate, a super tiny dose of chemo that's meant to stop the growth of living cells. It's most commonly used in tubal pregnancies and works well, so he hoped it might work in my case to stop the placenta from growing and help it safely detatch from the uterus. He also thought that, eventually, I would start to hemorrhage and need to go to the ER, so warned me constantly regarding how much bleeding is safe and to be mindful of when I'm bleeding too much.  The next four weeks were a mixture of waiting and weekly blood draws and ultrasounds, waiting and hoping I didn't start to hemorrhage, blood draws to ensure my HCG levels were dropping, and ultrasounds to see if the placenta was deteriorating. Week after week, things looked the same; the placenta was still there attached through my uterus. I was bleeding more every day with no changes inside of me. I was getting more discouraged every day. Every night I'd go to bed wondering if I would wind up in be ER before morning. I was pretty much a wreck all the time from worry and anxiety.


As it turned out, the day after Mother's Day, I bled so much that I passed out and went to the ER. They admitted me right away, and I stayed for three days, received  three blood transfusions, and also was lucky enough to have an allergic reaction to the blood, resulting in giant lips. (Side note: I've honestly contemplated Botox now because I loved my big lips!) The amazing thing, though, is that a new ultrasound at the hospital showed that the sac and placenta were gone! It was honestly a miracle, and the doctors were shocked. They kept telling me how rare it is for this to happen at all, but how lucky I was for it to have gone away without surgery. Methotrexate is apparently a miracle drug for which I'll always be grateful. After the three days, my doctor sent me home to rest and wait (wow I hated waiting) for four more weeks for a final ultrasound to see how my uterus had healed. I was hoping the ultrasound would be clear so I could move on with my life.


Sadly, the ultrasound showed a golf ball sized mass on the outside of my uterus. He didn't know if it was a hematoma or tissue or what, but he knew it needed to be removed. So a few days ago I went to the hospital again for surgery to remove the mass and repair my uterus. While I was still waking up from anesthesia, my doctor talked to my mom, and she said he was more optimistic than he'd ever been in the last three months. Through a large smile of relief, he explained that the mass removed perfectly (he thinks it was fetal tissue and dried blood, but it's getting tested now) and that my uterus was extremely thin and damaged in the area affected, but that he sewed it and stitched it three times over. He is sure now that after a few months of healing, I'll have a healthy, strong uterus, and that next time in the hospital it will be with a healthy little baby. :)

While it's been a long and tiring few months, I'm beyond grateful for how everything turned out. I'm grateful for my doctor who called around to get second opinions, and was patient enough to wait things out in hopes of a happy ending for our family. I'm grateful for Matt who has been kind, loving, and supportive while I've been emotionally crazy.  I'm grateful for my mom, who stayed at the hospital with me both times and brought me food and kept my spirits up and reminded me to be optimistic. I'm grateful for my amazing friends who literally cried with me when I was upset, helped out with my kids, and brought me meals and treats. I'm grateful for Matt's parents who helped out with my kids a ton, making it so fun that my kids barely missed me. And most of all I'm grateful for my faith, prayers, and miracles because this scenario couldn't have turned out better than it did, and there's no doubt in my mind that prayer works! If you made it this far, I'm impressed. I'm attaching some pictures. If bloody pictures bother you, don't look at the last one.


My big lips from the allergic reaction. Beautiful right?


The kids loved coming to visit because the hospital has Sprite and cookies.


Snuggles!


The kinds of pictures Matt would send me when I was in the hospital. They made my day,


Warning the next picture is a little graphic. My doctor texted this picture to me saying "the culprit." In his hands is my uterus, and that big old mass on it is what grew through the scar tissue of my uterus and caused almost four months of anxiety. But now it's gone forever!! :)


















Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Life!

So I really am having guilt over not keeping this blog updated. I have my Chatbooks that have dates and captions, but I still feel like I'm going to look back and regret not doing a better job of record keeping. Especially since it is easy to do on a computer. So here's to blogging at least once a week. Even if they're small posts. For now, I'll try and just do a little summary of everyone to get myself caught up.

Kennedy- This little girl steals the hearts of everyone she meets. She is so outgoing, friendly, flirty, and attention loving. I have yet to this day, in her 15 months of life, gone out somewhere and not received a compliment about her. She's adorable and she knows it. My favorite people are those who compliment Swen as well. I thank them for remembering I have two kids sitting right in front of me, and he is adorable and perfect too! :) Kennedy's favorite thing to do is try on clothes and accessories. She layers as much on as possible. On laundry days she often wears clothing from all four of us! She talks constantly and repeats whatever we say.. Her favorite words are "bye bye, no no no, hi, and tractor." She wants to do whatever Swen does, all the time, and if she can't, she becomes furious. I've never seen such a tiny person get so mad and so loud so fast.  It's amazing. She was born with a loud scream and it's grown louder with age. I love it, and I know she will always stand up for herself.











She also loves have a baby to hold, and she likes helping me with household tasks. She loves to fold laundry, unload dishes, and make the bed. I try to show her that I enjoy doing these things because staying home and being a mom/taking care of our house is the best job I've ever had. I love it, and I hope she aspires to do the same one day. Side note: She's too young to help me cook, which is okay because that's Swen's favorite thing to do! I never cook alone anymore, and I love his help. Kennedy is still nursng to fall asleep... And often through out the night. It's exhausting, but right now I don't have the energy to do anything about it. Also, she's so healthy because of it! This girl never gets sick. Even with Swen coming home with germs from preschool, she has yet to be sick once. If only breastmilk prevented broken elbows. She fell off of our couch and landed the wrong way. Luckily, the cast only needs to be on for three weeks, and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. And she sort of looks adorable in her purple cast. I love this girl with all of my heart, and I don't know how we lived without her.

Swen- This kid has become my best friend. He talks to me and makes me laugh ALL DAY LONG. His favorite topics of conversation include cement mixers, tractors cars, monster trucks, and suckers. I love hearing what is going on inside his head, and I hope he always wants to talk to me this much. Age 3 is both the greatest and hardest, and those feelings are like a daily pendulum. His moods are crazy! :)  He started preschool this fall! He LOVES it and I'm so glad. We originally had him signed up to go through a local neighborhood teacher, but for various reason we switched to a Canyons School District preschool. His favorite things in school are snack time and free choice, where he plays with cars (surprised?). Picking him up is my favorite because he tells me all about his day. He only goes two days a week for a couple hours, and it isn't enough for him. He asks to go every day. Next year we might send him a couple more days, but for now, I want him home with me!

Swen is either the best or worst big brother in the world. He can be so sweet and share, but other times his mission is to make Kennedy miserable. It is EXHAUSTING keeping them happy and not fighting. I know they'll be super close one day and that the fighting is all just a phase. But it's a phase I'm tired of. My favorite quality about Swen is how snuggly he is. Since he was born he wanted to sleep on people and be with people. That hasn't changed. I get quality snuggles every afternoon while Kennedy naps. We read books, watch TV, or play with cars while he sits on my lap. I know it will end one day and that will be AWFUL. I love my boy more than I ever knew I could love anyone; I'm so grateful he made me a mom.


Matt- I just said to him, "Okay I've done Swen and Kennedy. What should I say about you?" He replied, "nothing at all." And that is how you know Matt hasn't changed. He still likes to spend time with me and the  kids and other than that, he likes to pretty much keep to himself. Oh and rock climb! He still loves to climb and is getting so good at it. I'm jealous of his passion! He is still working in Provo for a solar panel company; he likes it there and that makes me happy. We've been married for over five years, and while I'm not going to say we have some amazing, perfect marriage, I grow more grateful every day that we somehow found each other. We are both stubborn, independent, quirky, awesome (of course), and I don't think we would do well being married to many other people. :)

Shulamith- The only big change in my life is that by some fluke I was offered to teach a class at Salt Lake Community College. I am teaching Developmental Reading to freshman students, and all but one are ESL students. Teaching reading to ESL students was MY PASSION before I had kids(now they are my passion). I have the weirdest and strongest connection to immigrants that come here to better themselves and their families. I just think they are so amazing, and I love getting to know them and helping them. And teaching college students is way more fun than teaching 5-year-olds! I only have to go five hours a week in the evenings, so I get to be home with my kids all day, and I'm still home in time to put them to bed. Getting this class was such a huge surprise and a blessing. I hope I get offered a class in the spring as well. Other than this class, I try to cherish being home. It is really hard; having a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old is busy busy busy and crazy crazy crazy. But I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, and I'm beyond grateful to get to be their mom and be with them all the time. Oh and I got braces and I'm going to speech therapy! I had an overbite and my front teeth wouldn't close, so eating was super hard, which was all caused from having a tongue thrust. I'm super insecure about  having braces, but I know it will be worth it when they're off.

If you made it this far, I'm impressed. Hopefully I can do a better job keeping up with this, so the posts won't be as long and boring in the future.

Oh and us on Halloween!

Monday, April 13, 2015

Swenisms

One night Matt and I took the kids out for dinner because we had an awesome coupon. After we had been there a while, Swen became antsy so he got up and just wandered around our table. Before I could stop it, I looked over and saw him petting a girl's head at the table next to us. I quickly apologized, grabbed him and asked him what he was doing. He said, "good job be nice other people!"

I took Swen to the aquarium with a friend and her little girl. Whenever Swen was looking at some fish and another kid came up, Swen would immediately kick the other kid. After a few times, I told him he needed to be nice and stop kicking or we'd have to take a break from looking at fish. The next time a kid came to look at the fish with him, he would pat the other kid's head and say "good job be nice!" This happened over and over, and luckily most kids were confused, but still nice, when Swen would pat them. Now whenever we drive by the aquarium, he always says "So fun go look at fishers good job being nice!"

***Disclaimer: When Kennedy first was born and Swen was still adjusting, he would hit or kick her. So I would take his hand and put it on her softly and tell him "thank you for being nice. Good job being nice, Swen!" And that translated into be nice equals petting. And he's the nicest kid around, and therefore does a lot of petting! Haha!.***

Mom: Swen, we need to get ready for church.
Swen: Play toys with Marlee?
Mom: Yes, you can play toys with Marlee.
Swen: Share just one car with Marlee. No share two cars.

An entire community of town homes is being built next to us. Whenever we come home Swen, asks to go look at all the tractors working.
"Go look at tractors! Whoa look at that big huge tractor. Whoa look at that big huge cement truck. Whoa cool tractor. Super cool cement truck!"

Whenever we are out and he sees kids, he says, "Wow look at all those friends! Those are Swen's friends!"

While at Target we walked by the bra section and Swen said, "Look at all those boobs! Look at all those big huge boobs!"

Matt takes Swen disc golfing at least once a week. Swen loves it, and he especially loves the garbages there. This conversation happens several times a day:

Swen: Go disc golf with Dada, Eli, Seth?
Mom: Yes, Dada and Eli and Seth will take you disc golfing tonight after dinner.
Swen: Have black garbages there?
Mom: Yes, they have black garbages there.
Swen: Those are gross?
Mom: Yep, those are gross
Swen: Really, reallllllly gross!

Now imagine all these stories in an adorable Swen voice! He's hilarious. He cracks me up all day long.


Sunday, March 1, 2015

Kennedy 7/8 Months Old

Dearest Kennedy,

You are only my second child and already I'm neglecting keeping records of your life! Sorry about that. Thank you for being such a happy and sweet little girl. Here's what your interests are at 8 months old.

Loves:
Being carried around
Eating any and all food (you are SO opposite or Swen with this!)
Playing with whatever toys Swen plays with
Sitting up all by yourself
Babbling constantly
Screaming and making loud noises
Smiling and laughing (especially at Swen)
Taking long baths
Showering
Riding in the front pack or back pack
Mommy (let's be real; Swen calls me "Mom" so you probably will too. Sad.)

Dislikes/hates because you're SUPER opinionated:
Mommy leaving you any time. Usually I can sneak away, but then the second you see me or hear me come back, you start screaming like the world is going to end.
Swen taking things away from you
Sleeping by yourself
Nursing if you don't feel like nursing- ugh this is so frustrating for me. I wish you would eat when I want you to! But I'm glad you know what you want and when you want it.
Loud noises. You still startle easily and get really upset afterwards.
Other people eating and not sharing with you
Not being able to crawl. You want to so bad, but you're just not ready yet!
Being alone

I love you so much, Kennedy! Even though I worry you may be a little bit of a drama queen, deep down I know we will be super close friends forever.

Love, Mommy/Mom



Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Stuck

When's the last time you ever felt trapped? I don't mean emotionally, like you're trying to make a choice and feel like like there's no winning. I mean literally and physically trapped! For me, it's every day between 2 and 4 pm. I often have missed calls and texts. Or people wanting do something and I have to tell them, "Sorry, I'm never available to do anything ever between 2 and 4. Ever."

Everyone knows it took 15 months for Swen to sleep well. Now at 33 months he is still a great sleeper. He sleeps all night long and naps every day from about 2-4 pm. He, however, isn't the problem. The problem is big eyed, chubby cheeked, gummy smiling Kennedy! She has followed in her brother's footsteps and will not sleep on her own. Unlike with Swen, I can't just hold her while she sleeps, because I have a two-year-old to take care of. This means that all morning long she is either cat napping or being tired because she won't nap longer than 15 minutes alone.

Then 2:00 comes! And oh it's a wonderful time. Swen, Kennedy and I all crawl into bed. Swen is on my left side, and Kennedy is on my right. Swen falls asleep RIGHT next to me. Sometimes on me a little bit. And Kennedy falls asleep nursing. And she continues to stay attached to me for the entire two hours. I usually can get about 30 minutes of sleep in before my hips and back start to ache from being stuck on my side. And then for the next 90 minutes I'm TRAPPED. I can't move. What if Swen wakes up? What if Kennedy wakes up? Nothing could possibly be worth it to move and risk Swen not getting his nap, or Kennedy not getting her only decent nap of the day.

So if you're thinking about calling me, or you want to do something with me between 2 and 4 pm, remember, I'm trapped, and I'll get back to you once my kids are awake :)

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Life Lately

Here's everything we've been up to the last few months! :)

Kennedy: she's for sure done the most changing. This girl lights up my life. And everyone who is around her. She is the smiliest, happiest baby ever. I have yet to go out anywhere and not have someone stop me and tell me how beautiful she is! She thrives on people and loves to smile at them. However, she likes to smile at others as long as she's in my arms. She is very attached to me! She enjoys sitting up on her own and rolling over. She is very odd about how she eats. She only nurses on her own schedule. If I try to feed her and she doesn't want to eat, she seriously yells and whips her head away. Then five minutes later she will be starving and HAVE to eat right then. We've just barely started giving her tastes of some solid food. She's little, and I'm in no rush to get her to eat regular food. She's so healthy and growing so well that I don't want to interrupt that. She is obsessed with her big brother. He favorite activity is to watch him run around and be crazy. It cracks her up. I'm so grateful for this daughter of mine. Just a side note: I'm not mentioning her sleeping habits because my babies don't sleep on their own. They just don't! So I have about 6 or 7 more months of being exhausted, and I know she will learn to sleep on her own. Just like Swen did.











Swen: The biggest thing with him is how much he's talking! He can have conversations now, and I love hearing what's going through his mind. He's often figuring out where certain cars or people are. And also what he gets to do next in his life. He still loves garbage cans! Anytime we are in a restaurant, he throws away all of the garbage for anyone who will let him. He also got a basketball hoop for Christmas and he loves it! And he's getting really good. It's taller than him, and I'm shocked at how much fun he's having. He loves nursery at church and also playing in play places at fast food restaurants. He's becoming more assertive in his wants and tests my patience every single day. Make that every single hour. But I can see a difference in him when I'm kind and patient as to when I lose my cool and get mad. My goal is to always be kind and patient with him, so he knows that even when he's having a hard time, I will still love him and be there for him. I'm so grateful for Matt who is also so kind and patient. I don't know what I would do if I married someone who yells or screams at his kids. Matt loves Swen for who he is and is wonderful with him.


Shulamith: I'm still loving being home with my babies! Nothing's has changed here. I need a hobby. A hobby where kids are welcome. Anyone know of anything? Maybe I'll become a dog walker or something. I can push my kids in the stroller and walk dogs. Haha!


Mathew: he's now at Vision Solar working as the supply chain and inventory manager. He's really learning a lot and likes his job. He's no longer waiting tables on the weekend. Yay! He has two hobbies: rock climbing and playing Dark Souls. 

That's our lives in a nutshell! I so love going back and reading what I've written previously. So even though these posts are short and sparse, I still like doing them. 

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

September Updates

Kennedy:






Could this girl be any cuter? She smiles nonstop, and when she's not smiling, she's nursing. A lot. In fact, she really only likes to be sleeping if she is nursing while sleeping. This makes it hard for anyone to really get to hold her much. She isn't awake too long before she's ready to be asleep again, and she likes to sleep while attached to me. It is sad for other people, but I know soon enough she will be awake longer and then others will get more than enough time to hold her. It is frustrating in the days when I have nobody to help because she HAS to lie down sometimes so I can do other things. So she usually sleeps at the most 45 minutes before she's up again. In addition to nursing, she likes toys to be shaken for her, the fan, being sung to, and her most favorite thing: bath time. She can go from screaming to happy in one second. She's over all a very content little girl as long as she's not in the car. I can't believe both my babies have hated their car seats. How is that even possible? I'm so grateful that she's in our family, and I love her perfectness so much.

Swen:



Could this boy be any cuter? Not only is he the most beautiful boy on the planet, but he has the sweetest personality in the world. He still loves cars more than life itself, and he shares his love with everyone. He always has a car in hand and whenever anyone new comes into the room he runs over so excited to show off his "new car!" It does get a little old to for me to constantly express so much excitement over his new cars, but I want him to know I care about his interests, so I probably say "oh my gosh. Swen, is that a new car? I love your new car! It is the coolest car I have ever seen!" at least 20 times a day. But every time his eyes light up and he smiles so big that it's worth it. He loves Kennedy so much. He constantly asks to hold her. If he's not holding her, he's kissing her, petting her, and touching her. He still throws things at her, but it's happening less and less. Usually it's when I'm focusing on another person and he's needing some attention. If he's not talking about cars, he is talking about water. He loves to put everything in bowls of liquid. Like he's obsessed with it. Cereal, diet coke, soup, whatever it is. If it's liquid, he puts stuff in it. He is a pretty picky eater but eats cereal and milk at least three times a day. Also, he has recently become a finger sucker. It sort of just happened over night, and we think it's adorable. Swen is the most perfect two year old ever, and I wish everyone in the world could know him because of the joy he brings to people.

Shulamith:
Nursing Kennedy while Swen keeps me company. This occurs hours and hours throughout each day.

Could I be any cuter? Haha just kidding! I take care of my two kids all day and all night which pretty much sums up my life. I love it more than anything 99% of the time, but on very hard days, I think it would be easier to drop them off somewhere to mess up someone else's house and go to work, where I have friends and a social life while going to the bathroom by myself, eating by myself, driving by myself, oh and making money of course. Then I remember that this stage is so short, and I know my kids need me now, and I won't regret being poor for this short time with them. Also, I remember that I'm beyond blessed to have the opportunity to stay home with them.  I've been walking every day (where Kennedy WILL sleep for hours in her front pack!) and dieting on the weekdays to try and get back to pre-Kennedy size. The progress is slow, but I can tell it's working. Oh and it SUCKS. But so does being fat so too bad for me. And Sweet Tooth Fairy is sad about my diet too because they're almost going out of business without me buying cookies and cupcakes any time I'm in the area (daily).

Mathew:



Could he be any cuter? He has gone above and beyond all my expectations for a husband and dad. He is patient, kind, and loving to both the kids and me. He is working at Vivint Solar in supply chain. While it is a HARD job with little pay right now, he knows there is a future in supply chain and money to be made if he puts his time in. He is also waiting tables every Saturday night at Longhorn for extra income. Though he's doing all this, I have yet to hear him complain ONCE about going to work. When he gets home, he instantly starts playing with both kids. When weather permits, he enjoys taking Swen disc golfing. His favorite hobby is still rock climbing which he tries to do at least once a week. We often talk about how we have no idea how all of a sudden we are married with two kids. It all happened so fast, but we are loving it and learning lots.