My Saturday

Remember how forever ago I wrote a blog about breastfeeding? I wrote how wonderful it is and how much I love it. I also wrote how I had no need for a pump because I am blessed to be able to stay at home with Swen. Well, it's still wonderful, but after 13 months I had to go buy a breast pump.

Swen had been sick for a couple days starting Thursday. Friday night he was having a horrible time sleeping (worse than normal, and it's always bad). He wouldn't nurse and actually bit me really hard a couple times. He had never bitten me before! It scared me, and I jumped and firmly said, "Don't bite me, Swen." He screamed for a bit and finally, I just decided to take him out to the rocking chair to hold him so maybe we could both sleep.

Just as I got him to sleep in the rocking chair, I discovered I was freezing cold. Like I was shivering to death. I had a warm baby and two blankets on me. I didn't want to move because Swen was finally asleep. After an hour and a half of shivering, I finally laid Swen down and took some medicine. I went into the bedroom to wake up Matt, hoping he could help me get warm, and after about an hour, I finally fell asleep. I didn't wake up til 10:30. I never sleep that long anymore. I woke up feeling a little better, but not great.

Swen only nurses a few times a day now, usually mornings, nap time, and night time. Considering it was morning, I went to feed Swen but he wouldn't nurse. He would put his mouth on me and then take it off and cry. I must have scared him really badly the night before because he was totally afraid to nurse! Meanwhile, I was becoming more and more engorged as the day went on and feeling sicker and sicker. I was pretty sure I had mastitis, but hoped I could make it go away on my own. The problem is that the best cure is to nurse lots, but Swen would NOT nurse. He was miserable. He wouldn't eat, drink from his sippy cups , or nurse. He would just cry to me and do what he does when he wants to nurse. Then I would try to nurse him, and he would get scared and cry. Over and over. It was sad for me to see him so upset when there was nothing I could do. I really thought this was it, that he was done nursing. Would it be the end of the world? No. He is 13 months old after all! But I always thought I would at least know when the "last time" would be.

As the day progressed, nothing changed except I felt worse and worse. Finally, at around 6:00, I decided I needed to go buy a breast pump. I was so engorged and sore. I found an electric pump for $60 (money we do not have right now). I went home and read the directions on how to use the thing. Sure enough, it was pretty simple and it actually worked! I couldn't believe that there was actually milk coming out! I was able to get 5 ounces from both sides. I am sure that Swen gets WAY more milk than that because he is efficient, but I am grateful that the cheapest pump I could find worked that well and made me feel a little better.

Considering Swen hadn't eaten or drunk anything all day, I wanted him to drink this milk! He had never had a bottle before because there was no need to give him one. He just uses sippy cups to drink. Earlier in the day, I had tried a random bottle, thinking maybe he would drink some regular milk from it, but he threw it right down. But this pump came with its own bottle, so I put the breast milk I had pumped in it and gave it to him. At first screamed at me for even trying, but I just shoved it in his mouth, so he could see what it was. He hit the bottle onto the floor and then stopped short and looked at me as if to say, "This is what I want!" He grabbed the bottle off the floor and started chugging. He chugged the entire bottle in minutes. It made me tear up to watch him. I knew he had wanted my milk all day, but he was too scared to nurse. But even after this bottle, he still wouldn't.

Swen was feeling better because he had gotten what he needed, but I was getting worse. So off to the doctor I went. I put it off a long time becuase we don't have insurance right now, and it is $140 to walk into a clinic. Luckily, I  didn't change my last name, and my mom has a Flex card that I was able to use. Because we have the same last name, I could pass as one of her unmarried children.

When I got there, I had a temperature of 103 and my heart rate was way up from the high fever. My left breast was badly infected and red. I had been so focused on getting Swen to nurse that I hadn't realized how sick I was. The doctor gave me a shot with a huge dose of antibiotics so they would start working right away. I came home and, once again, tried to nurse Swen, but he still wouldn't do it. So, I pumped some more, and he drank it from the bottle again.

Late Saturday night, after pumping AGAIN, my prayers were answered, and Swen nursed great. The pump was never able to drain me enough to not feel engorged, but Swen did the job. It hurt so badly on my infected side, but I know he needed to do it.

Long story, I know.  But I have realized that I am so grateful for breast pumps. How wonderful is it that mothers who work can use them or those who have a baby that can't latch on. But I'm also grateful that I didn't have to use one this past year. It was such a hassle, and I truly admire moms who do it regularly! Washing the pump and the bottle was annoying, and while I was pumping I couldn't hold Swen or do anything for him, and it took FOREVER to get milk. Still, I'm glad I have a pump now for all my future babies who might need pumped milk at some point, and it was fun to see how they work.

Swen is ONE!

Before having Swen, the previous eight years of my life seemed to go by very very very slowly. While I was in college, my parents paid for most of my school, but I still needed to work to help pay what I could. I waited tables. It was a long four years. After I graduated, I thought I had found my dream job. I was going to teach kindergarten! Unfortunately, it was really hard. I had horrible kids. I felt like my weeks were never ending. Luckily, I met Matt in the end, and that it made go by faster, but it still wasn't fun.

Now when I want my life to slow down, it just seems to have disappeared. It has been an entire year since I brought this perfect little baby home from the hospital. I cannot believe it. I had a couple of cry sessions the week before his birthday asking myself how this happened. I am not a crier! I now understand when other parents tell me to enjoy ALL the tiring, long, hard, amazing, and fun moments because they will be gone before I know it. I have been really cherishing my time with Swen the last couple of weeks because of how fast it hit me that he will grow up way too quickly.

When Swen was little, I thought to myself that a newborn is the best age of babies. I would look at older babies and dread it! I didn't think it could be as good as it was right in that moment. Then as he grew older, I realized that each new stage is just as good, if not better than the one before. However, I am CONVINCED one year old is the very best age there is. I love having a toddler. He has this huge personality in a little tiny (well if a fat baby can be called tiny) body. He toddles around talking in his baby words while destroying everything he can. Then while he is messing up whatever room he's in, he laughs as if it is the best thing in the world. Right now his favorites are pulling all the wipes out of the container, taking laundry out of drawers, removing DVD's from drawers, and emptying all the cupboards. Isn't he talented?

Another of his greatest talents is eating/nursing. I no longer need to use our garbage disposal. He wants everything we are eating or drinking. Especially if we are eating pizza or macaroni and cheese. Swen still loves to nurse. He doesn't need to nurse as frequently as before, just a few times a day. I don't see him giving it up any time soon.

Swen's biggest talent of all is NOT sleeping. This past week has actually started to improve a bit. I'm hoping the trend continues. I'm tired of being tired all the time!

We had a wonderful 1st birthday party for him with family. My mom did such a good job blogging about it that I don't need to. You can read about it here:

 http://itslegs.blogspot.com/2013/05/that-baby-was-born-five-weeks-early.html

Here are way too many pictures of our little ONE YEAR OLD SWEN! I'm so grateful to be a mom and to be able to be with him all day.... and night. Actually, that's a lie. I would like to be far, far away from him at night. :)