Even Though We Ain't Got Money

I've wanted to have kids ever since I was 14. Maybe I wanted them before then, but I don't really remember. When I was in 8th grade, my little brother Seth was born. From that day on I decided that being a mom is the best thing in the world. I woke up every morning (he was born in the summer time) and ran into my parents' bedroom to take Seth away. I would rock him and snuggle with him. When I turned 16 and could drive, I took Seth anywhere my mom would let me. My friends and I would take him to the mall, park, and the grocery store. I liked to pretend that he was my own kid, and I didn't care that people thought I was some horrible teen mom. Even if he was mine and I was a teen mom, I was a good one!

So of course when I got married, I couldn't wait to have kids. I definitely wanted time that Matt and I could enjoy being newlyweds, but after a couple years, we were ready! By ready I mean emotionally and spiritually, not financially. I also sort of mean I was ready, not we. Matt was a little scared for the whole kid thing. However, he is now the most amazing dad in the world, but that is a completely different blog post. Anyway, we (I) figured if we waited until we were perfectly financially ready for kids, we would never have them. Several people I know with kids have said to me, "If you wait until you're ready, you will never have them. Nobody is ever quite ready to have kids." So going with that advice and the fact that Matt is still in school, we decided that waiting until we had everything in "order" would take forever. And now we have our little perfect Swen. He is the cutest, most fun, and most expensive miniature person in the world. Oh and to top it off, I'm not going back to teaching next year. Why pay over half my paycheck for day care and the other half to attend therapy for being so depressed from leaving my baby all day? (I know many women don't mind going back to work at all, and I think that's wonderful. I am just not one of those women).

Kids are expensive, yes, but I thought we had that all planned out. Both Matt's and my parents have been so amazing in helping us get ready for Swen. We couldn't have done it without them. They have gotten us all the big things that we would need for him. Then my amazing friends at school threw me a wonderful shower, and I got even more things like his bassinet and tons of clothes and blankets. I went through all the lists online of things we would need, and we were set! Maybe kids are expensive, but babies aren't.

Yeah... I'm sure people with kids knew that those "getting ready lists" are all lies. Let's start with just the hospital bill. Swen's total cost was over $40,000. Even with insurance we owe over $3,000. Then since Swen was a preemie baby, we had several doctor's appointments after bringing him home. Every time I went, I had a $20 co-pay. Those add up quite fast. Then with the HELLP Syndrome, my recovery was harder, so I had several appointments myself after coming home, each one with a co-pay.

The doctors' and hospital bills are the things that we really HAVE to spend money on. Then there are all the things that I just really feel I need... even though I don't. When we found out Swen would be a boy, the shopping spree begun. I'm pretty sure my  mom and I bought out the entire Carter's store. I thought that would be enough. Technically, it is enough actually. But now that Swen's here, shopping got even better! Every time I walk by a baby store, I go in it and think how everything would be so cute on him. Then I buy everything. Finally, I told myself no more clothes. It worked for a couple weeks until I found this adorable store that puts one outfit on sale every Tuesday for 40% off. And every time, it is one of its cutest outfits! So now I limit myself to just one outfit a week. Well, one outfit a week unless it is a special occasion like his first Sunday at church. Then I need another new outfit. Needless to say I have a shopping problem.

DIAPERS! Yes, another big expense. Twenty-five dollars for a box of diapers will last me a couple of weeks right? I wish! Swen loves to use his diapers up as fast as he can. His favorite game is soiling a diaper right after I put a new one on him. We go through a pack about every 3 days. It's adorable and expensive. 

After reading this, many people would say that we should have waited to have a baby. For many people it would work best for them to wait, and that's great! Everyone is different. For us this was the perfect time to have Swen. He has given us more joy than we ever knew possible. At least 90% of Matt's and my conversations consist of "He's even cuter than 10 minutes ago" or  "Oh my gosh, look at what he's doing now!" I send him constant streams of pictures while he's at work, and he still gets home and runs right to him. When we're both home, it's a constant battle of who gets to hold him. We hold out on going to the bathroom or eating so we don't have to give him away. So even though we ain't got money, we are rich in every other way. That was a little cheesy, sorry. Here are some more pictures of him being perfect. One is with my brother Isaiah, one is in his new sling (another expense) at the mall shopping, and the others are just some of my favorites. I'm new to this blogging, so I haven't figured out how to put them throughout the post.

6 Weeks and Loving It

6 weeks ago today...

I don't remember much about it except for a nurse coming in and saying, "So, are you ready to have this baby?" Really? Is that the best way a nurse can think of to tell someone that she will be having her baby over 4 weeks early? Needless to say, it was a huge shock. Not only that, but I would need a C-section due to something called HELLP Syndrome. For my safety, the doctors needed to get the baby out as quickly as possible. From there it was all a blur of crying, shaking, shots, doctors, and then the best thing of all, the sound of Swen's crying! I was

Since the day Swen arrived, I have felt more love and more tired than I ever knew possible. I knew I'd love him, but I did not know how much. Still to this day I find myself just staring at him and usually crying (if not sobbing) because I love him so much. Of course I knew I'd be tired. Wait, that's a lie. I had NO idea how tired I would be. I figured it would be like a long day of teaching kindergarten. Ha! I didn't know that still, 6 weeks later, I have yet to get more than 3 consecutive hours of sleep in a row. Oh, did I mention that 3 hours of sleep in a row is a luxury? The average is about 2. The amazing thing is that I am still functioning! And when there are moments that I don't think I can do it anymore, Swen looks up at me with his perfect eyes--his perfect everything really-- and I suddenly have the energy conquer the world. Now I'm crying again, great!

Don't worry, my crying hasn't stopped Swen from doing some adorable things! My grandma always told my mom to write down all of the cute things her kids did because one day she might not remember them. Here is my attempt to take my grandma's advice:

1. We have these dark brown ceiling fans in most room of the house. For some reason Swen LOVES these fans. It doesn't matter what we're doing, the second he sees the fan, he stops everything and stares at it with huge eyes. His forehead gets all wrinkled like he is pondering something. It's adorable.
2. The way he stretches. Yes, I know all babies stretch, but this is Swen stretching, so it's cuter. He arches his back, turns his head, and curls up his legs. It is a full body stretch, and I love it.
3. He makes a kissy face all the time. Whenever he's awake, he opens his eyes wide and puckers up his lips to make the perfect kiss. Matt and I crack up every time he does it.
4. His milk face. Again, this is something all nursing babies have, but these are Swen's lips, so they're cuter. Whenever he's done nursing, he looks up at me with pure white lips, milk dripping down his face, and a look of complete happiness.
5. He doesn't like to be put down. Some people may think this is a negative, but I definitely don't. That means he loves people and knows that he is loved by us. I can put him in a front pack and get things done, so why not carry him?
I know there are other things that I'm not thinking of right now, so I'm sure more lists will be coming.

I couldn't be more blessed to have Swen. These are some of the best parts of being his mom:

1. Being Swen's favorite person. I never let Swen cry. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, the sound of his cry makes my heart hurt. Second, letting him cry shows him that he is not being heard. He is a helpless little person, and his cry means he needs something, so the second he starts crying, I hold him. It doesn't matter whom he's with or what I'm doing. Because of this he calms down instantly right when I pick him up. I LOVE that! He knows that I will always be there for him, and I'll always do everything I can to make him happy.
2. Breastfeeding. I always planned on nursing mostly because of the benefits. I'm not going to list them all here, but there are dozens of amazing things that come from breastfeeding. I didn't plan on enjoying it so much. Nursing Swen bonds me closer to him every time I feed him. It relaxes the both of us throughout the day. I also get a huge sense of accomplishment knowing I am capable of growing a human! I've grown him 2 pounds already; how crazy is that? Even though Matt can't nurse, I'm going to give him credit for Swen's growth too. He is very supportive of me nursing which makes it that much easier. Because I only breastfeed, I get to take Swen everywhere. I don't have the option of leaving him with other people, and I love this too. I have not yet felt the need for a break from him. I feel so bonded to him, and I'm always happier when he's with me. I truly believe that breastfeeding has given me that connection to him.
3. Sleeping with Swen in our bed. Yes, that's right; we are choosing to have him in our bed. I love snuggling with him at night.
4. Every single day, he looks more like his Daddy!
There are many more things that have made the past 6 weeks perfect, but Swen is needing me, so that's all for now.

I made a blog!

So ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have been meaning to start blogging. Not with the intent of people reading it, or following it, but because it is the easiest way possible to journal. I want Swen (and all of my future babies) to be able to have something to read in the future if they want it. I finally did it. Now let's see if I actually write in it regularly. This is the most recent picture of our little family. Matt and I are loving being parents to Swen. We would both say it is the scariest, but most amazing thing in the world.