When's the last time you ever felt trapped? I don't mean emotionally, like you're trying to make a choice and feel like like there's no winning. I mean literally and physically trapped! For me, it's every day between 2 and 4 pm. I often have missed calls and texts. Or people wanting do something and I have to tell them, "Sorry, I'm never available to do anything ever between 2 and 4. Ever."
Everyone knows it took 15 months for Swen to sleep well. Now at 33 months he is still a great sleeper. He sleeps all night long and naps every day from about 2-4 pm. He, however, isn't the problem. The problem is big eyed, chubby cheeked, gummy smiling Kennedy! She has followed in her brother's footsteps and will not sleep on her own. Unlike with Swen, I can't just hold her while she sleeps, because I have a two-year-old to take care of. This means that all morning long she is either cat napping or being tired because she won't nap longer than 15 minutes alone.
Then 2:00 comes! And oh it's a wonderful time. Swen, Kennedy and I all crawl into bed. Swen is on my left side, and Kennedy is on my right. Swen falls asleep RIGHT next to me. Sometimes on me a little bit. And Kennedy falls asleep nursing. And she continues to stay attached to me for the entire two hours. I usually can get about 30 minutes of sleep in before my hips and back start to ache from being stuck on my side. And then for the next 90 minutes I'm TRAPPED. I can't move. What if Swen wakes up? What if Kennedy wakes up? Nothing could possibly be worth it to move and risk Swen not getting his nap, or Kennedy not getting her only decent nap of the day.
So if you're thinking about calling me, or you want to do something with me between 2 and 4 pm, remember, I'm trapped, and I'll get back to you once my kids are awake :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Life Lately
Here's everything we've been up to the last few months! :)
Swen: The biggest thing with him is how much he's talking! He can have conversations now, and I love hearing what's going through his mind. He's often figuring out where certain cars or people are. And also what he gets to do next in his life. He still loves garbage cans! Anytime we are in a restaurant, he throws away all of the garbage for anyone who will let him. He also got a basketball hoop for Christmas and he loves it! And he's getting really good. It's taller than him, and I'm shocked at how much fun he's having. He loves nursery at church and also playing in play places at fast food restaurants. He's becoming more assertive in his wants and tests my patience every single day. Make that every single hour. But I can see a difference in him when I'm kind and patient as to when I lose my cool and get mad. My goal is to always be kind and patient with him, so he knows that even when he's having a hard time, I will still love him and be there for him. I'm so grateful for Matt who is also so kind and patient. I don't know what I would do if I married someone who yells or screams at his kids. Matt loves Swen for who he is and is wonderful with him.
Kennedy: she's for sure done the most changing. This girl lights up my life. And everyone who is around her. She is the smiliest, happiest baby ever. I have yet to go out anywhere and not have someone stop me and tell me how beautiful she is! She thrives on people and loves to smile at them. However, she likes to smile at others as long as she's in my arms. She is very attached to me! She enjoys sitting up on her own and rolling over. She is very odd about how she eats. She only nurses on her own schedule. If I try to feed her and she doesn't want to eat, she seriously yells and whips her head away. Then five minutes later she will be starving and HAVE to eat right then. We've just barely started giving her tastes of some solid food. She's little, and I'm in no rush to get her to eat regular food. She's so healthy and growing so well that I don't want to interrupt that. She is obsessed with her big brother. He favorite activity is to watch him run around and be crazy. It cracks her up. I'm so grateful for this daughter of mine. Just a side note: I'm not mentioning her sleeping habits because my babies don't sleep on their own. They just don't! So I have about 6 or 7 more months of being exhausted, and I know she will learn to sleep on her own. Just like Swen did.
Shulamith: I'm still loving being home with my babies! Nothing's has changed here. I need a hobby. A hobby where kids are welcome. Anyone know of anything? Maybe I'll become a dog walker or something. I can push my kids in the stroller and walk dogs. Haha!
Mathew: he's now at Vision Solar working as the supply chain and inventory manager. He's really learning a lot and likes his job. He's no longer waiting tables on the weekend. Yay! He has two hobbies: rock climbing and playing Dark Souls.
That's our lives in a nutshell! I so love going back and reading what I've written previously. So even though these posts are short and sparse, I still like doing them.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
September Updates
Kennedy:
Could this girl be any cuter? She smiles nonstop, and when she's not smiling, she's nursing. A lot. In fact, she really only likes to be sleeping if she is nursing while sleeping. This makes it hard for anyone to really get to hold her much. She isn't awake too long before she's ready to be asleep again, and she likes to sleep while attached to me. It is sad for other people, but I know soon enough she will be awake longer and then others will get more than enough time to hold her. It is frustrating in the days when I have nobody to help because she HAS to lie down sometimes so I can do other things. So she usually sleeps at the most 45 minutes before she's up again. In addition to nursing, she likes toys to be shaken for her, the fan, being sung to, and her most favorite thing: bath time. She can go from screaming to happy in one second. She's over all a very content little girl as long as she's not in the car. I can't believe both my babies have hated their car seats. How is that even possible? I'm so grateful that she's in our family, and I love her perfectness so much.
Swen:
Could this boy be any cuter? Not only is he the most beautiful boy on the planet, but he has the sweetest personality in the world. He still loves cars more than life itself, and he shares his love with everyone. He always has a car in hand and whenever anyone new comes into the room he runs over so excited to show off his "new car!" It does get a little old to for me to constantly express so much excitement over his new cars, but I want him to know I care about his interests, so I probably say "oh my gosh. Swen, is that a new car? I love your new car! It is the coolest car I have ever seen!" at least 20 times a day. But every time his eyes light up and he smiles so big that it's worth it. He loves Kennedy so much. He constantly asks to hold her. If he's not holding her, he's kissing her, petting her, and touching her. He still throws things at her, but it's happening less and less. Usually it's when I'm focusing on another person and he's needing some attention. If he's not talking about cars, he is talking about water. He loves to put everything in bowls of liquid. Like he's obsessed with it. Cereal, diet coke, soup, whatever it is. If it's liquid, he puts stuff in it. He is a pretty picky eater but eats cereal and milk at least three times a day. Also, he has recently become a finger sucker. It sort of just happened over night, and we think it's adorable. Swen is the most perfect two year old ever, and I wish everyone in the world could know him because of the joy he brings to people.
Shulamith:
Could I be any cuter? Haha just kidding! I take care of my two kids all day and all night which pretty much sums up my life. I love it more than anything 99% of the time, but on very hard days, I think it would be easier to drop them off somewhere to mess up someone else's house and go to work, where I have friends and a social life while going to the bathroom by myself, eating by myself, driving by myself, oh and making money of course. Then I remember that this stage is so short, and I know my kids need me now, and I won't regret being poor for this short time with them. Also, I remember that I'm beyond blessed to have the opportunity to stay home with them. I've been walking every day (where Kennedy WILL sleep for hours in her front pack!) and dieting on the weekdays to try and get back to pre-Kennedy size. The progress is slow, but I can tell it's working. Oh and it SUCKS. But so does being fat so too bad for me. And Sweet Tooth Fairy is sad about my diet too because they're almost going out of business without me buying cookies and cupcakes any time I'm in the area (daily).
Mathew:
Could he be any cuter? He has gone above and beyond all my expectations for a husband and dad. He is patient, kind, and loving to both the kids and me. He is working at Vivint Solar in supply chain. While it is a HARD job with little pay right now, he knows there is a future in supply chain and money to be made if he puts his time in. He is also waiting tables every Saturday night at Longhorn for extra income. Though he's doing all this, I have yet to hear him complain ONCE about going to work. When he gets home, he instantly starts playing with both kids. When weather permits, he enjoys taking Swen disc golfing. His favorite hobby is still rock climbing which he tries to do at least once a week. We often talk about how we have no idea how all of a sudden we are married with two kids. It all happened so fast, but we are loving it and learning lots.
Could this girl be any cuter? She smiles nonstop, and when she's not smiling, she's nursing. A lot. In fact, she really only likes to be sleeping if she is nursing while sleeping. This makes it hard for anyone to really get to hold her much. She isn't awake too long before she's ready to be asleep again, and she likes to sleep while attached to me. It is sad for other people, but I know soon enough she will be awake longer and then others will get more than enough time to hold her. It is frustrating in the days when I have nobody to help because she HAS to lie down sometimes so I can do other things. So she usually sleeps at the most 45 minutes before she's up again. In addition to nursing, she likes toys to be shaken for her, the fan, being sung to, and her most favorite thing: bath time. She can go from screaming to happy in one second. She's over all a very content little girl as long as she's not in the car. I can't believe both my babies have hated their car seats. How is that even possible? I'm so grateful that she's in our family, and I love her perfectness so much.
Swen:
Could this boy be any cuter? Not only is he the most beautiful boy on the planet, but he has the sweetest personality in the world. He still loves cars more than life itself, and he shares his love with everyone. He always has a car in hand and whenever anyone new comes into the room he runs over so excited to show off his "new car!" It does get a little old to for me to constantly express so much excitement over his new cars, but I want him to know I care about his interests, so I probably say "oh my gosh. Swen, is that a new car? I love your new car! It is the coolest car I have ever seen!" at least 20 times a day. But every time his eyes light up and he smiles so big that it's worth it. He loves Kennedy so much. He constantly asks to hold her. If he's not holding her, he's kissing her, petting her, and touching her. He still throws things at her, but it's happening less and less. Usually it's when I'm focusing on another person and he's needing some attention. If he's not talking about cars, he is talking about water. He loves to put everything in bowls of liquid. Like he's obsessed with it. Cereal, diet coke, soup, whatever it is. If it's liquid, he puts stuff in it. He is a pretty picky eater but eats cereal and milk at least three times a day. Also, he has recently become a finger sucker. It sort of just happened over night, and we think it's adorable. Swen is the most perfect two year old ever, and I wish everyone in the world could know him because of the joy he brings to people.
Shulamith:
 |
| Nursing Kennedy while Swen keeps me company. This occurs hours and hours throughout each day. |
Could I be any cuter? Haha just kidding! I take care of my two kids all day and all night which pretty much sums up my life. I love it more than anything 99% of the time, but on very hard days, I think it would be easier to drop them off somewhere to mess up someone else's house and go to work, where I have friends and a social life while going to the bathroom by myself, eating by myself, driving by myself, oh and making money of course. Then I remember that this stage is so short, and I know my kids need me now, and I won't regret being poor for this short time with them. Also, I remember that I'm beyond blessed to have the opportunity to stay home with them. I've been walking every day (where Kennedy WILL sleep for hours in her front pack!) and dieting on the weekdays to try and get back to pre-Kennedy size. The progress is slow, but I can tell it's working. Oh and it SUCKS. But so does being fat so too bad for me. And Sweet Tooth Fairy is sad about my diet too because they're almost going out of business without me buying cookies and cupcakes any time I'm in the area (daily).
Mathew:
Could he be any cuter? He has gone above and beyond all my expectations for a husband and dad. He is patient, kind, and loving to both the kids and me. He is working at Vivint Solar in supply chain. While it is a HARD job with little pay right now, he knows there is a future in supply chain and money to be made if he puts his time in. He is also waiting tables every Saturday night at Longhorn for extra income. Though he's doing all this, I have yet to hear him complain ONCE about going to work. When he gets home, he instantly starts playing with both kids. When weather permits, he enjoys taking Swen disc golfing. His favorite hobby is still rock climbing which he tries to do at least once a week. We often talk about how we have no idea how all of a sudden we are married with two kids. It all happened so fast, but we are loving it and learning lots.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Having Two
I'm sitting in bed nursing Kennedy to sleep while Swen is in the bath (where I can see him from bed so don't worry) and just thinking to myself how much I've learned in the last seven weeks since Kennedy was born.
1. Sitting down is underrated. Really, really underrated. Who knew I would miss just being able to sit for a few minutes without having to do something?
2. Nursing while doing ANYTHING is very possible. Cooking, eating, playing with Swen. You name it, and I've done it while nursing. Gone are the days where I could just sit and watch all my shows while nursing a baby.
3. Everyone should live in his or her parents' basement. We have it ideal because we have our own complete apartment under their house, which means total privacy. But even if that weren't the case, I think I would move in anyway. Their help is worth any privacy I would have to sacrifice. I think Matt would agree. He never has to worry about me because there's almost always someone home. Eli will be leaving for college soon, and Seth has already started school. That makes two fewer people here for support during the day, which makes me sad. Luckily, I have my mom and my dad, and my mom doesn't work many hours and not the same ones as my dad, so one of them is always around. Every mom needs her family upstairs. Period.
4. My house will never be as clean as I want. I love my house to be clean, and with Kennedy in the front pack and Swen playing outside, I can clean up and make it beautiful. Then Swen comes inside (or Matt comes home) and it's all over. Those two boys are messy. I've tried really hard to just accept it and not get frustrated when Swen destroys everything, but I definitely need more patience with that because he's two. And two-years-olds are messy.
5. Laundry never ends. Ever. Just adding Kennedy, I feel like I've doubled my laundry. I don't know why.
6. Seeing Swen pet Kennedy's head and love her makes me the happiest person ever.
7. It is possible to love two children equally. I was worried she wouldn't measure up to Swen. She does.
8. Going places is much harder and less fun. Being home with two kids is much harder and less fun. It's a dilemma on what to do each day. Stay home and try to entertain Swen, or go out while Kennedy screams in the car.
9. Most days I want lots and lots more babies. Other days, two sounds like a wonderful number.
10. It's hard to feel like both kids are getting what they need. I wish I could hold Kennedy all the time. I wish I could play with Swen all the time. I feel like I'm letting them both down quite often. Not to mention I feel like I'm letting myself down because I can't find time to do anything for myself. I don't even shower alone because Swen climbs in the second he hears water. Hopefully I'll get into more of a routine soon and find a little time for myself each week. I'm not even going to aim for each day, ha!
11. When I miss out on doing things that aren't kid friendly, I don't really care. I seriously love these babies so much, and nothing is more important than them right now. I will have years and years to go to movies, plays, vacations, and late nights staying up with friends, and I know they'll be grown up before I know it.
12. I love not worrying about Kennedy. With Swen I always worried about his health and that I might be doing things wrong. I doubted myself in everything. Now that he's two and doing amazing, I know the way I raised him was the right way for him and our family. Of course things with Kennedy may be different because she's different and has different needs, but I'm not doubting my choices with her because I trust myself and my instincts.
13. If I knew blogging on my phone was this easy, I may have been better about updating this blog!
14. I have yet to decide which is harder, going from zero to one child or from one to two children. It goes both ways. With a first child, for me, it was a huge shock, going from being totally selfish to being completely selfless and caring for a baby. Not to mention the shock of sleep deprivation. With number two, I have already been a mom for two years, and I am used to sleep deprivation (remember Swen didn't sleep for 15 months and then when he did sleep, he for up at 5:00 every morning?). However, the business and craziness of two children is definitely hard. Feeling like one of them always needs something from me is exhausting. So I've decided it's a tie. But I have a hunch that going from 2 to 3 kids will be the hardest for sure. I can't even imagine it right now.
15. There's water all over my bathroom floor. Thank you, Swen. I should probably go get him out and clean that up. As well as remind myself about #4 above.
1. Sitting down is underrated. Really, really underrated. Who knew I would miss just being able to sit for a few minutes without having to do something?
2. Nursing while doing ANYTHING is very possible. Cooking, eating, playing with Swen. You name it, and I've done it while nursing. Gone are the days where I could just sit and watch all my shows while nursing a baby.
3. Everyone should live in his or her parents' basement. We have it ideal because we have our own complete apartment under their house, which means total privacy. But even if that weren't the case, I think I would move in anyway. Their help is worth any privacy I would have to sacrifice. I think Matt would agree. He never has to worry about me because there's almost always someone home. Eli will be leaving for college soon, and Seth has already started school. That makes two fewer people here for support during the day, which makes me sad. Luckily, I have my mom and my dad, and my mom doesn't work many hours and not the same ones as my dad, so one of them is always around. Every mom needs her family upstairs. Period.
4. My house will never be as clean as I want. I love my house to be clean, and with Kennedy in the front pack and Swen playing outside, I can clean up and make it beautiful. Then Swen comes inside (or Matt comes home) and it's all over. Those two boys are messy. I've tried really hard to just accept it and not get frustrated when Swen destroys everything, but I definitely need more patience with that because he's two. And two-years-olds are messy.
5. Laundry never ends. Ever. Just adding Kennedy, I feel like I've doubled my laundry. I don't know why.
6. Seeing Swen pet Kennedy's head and love her makes me the happiest person ever.
7. It is possible to love two children equally. I was worried she wouldn't measure up to Swen. She does.
8. Going places is much harder and less fun. Being home with two kids is much harder and less fun. It's a dilemma on what to do each day. Stay home and try to entertain Swen, or go out while Kennedy screams in the car.
9. Most days I want lots and lots more babies. Other days, two sounds like a wonderful number.
10. It's hard to feel like both kids are getting what they need. I wish I could hold Kennedy all the time. I wish I could play with Swen all the time. I feel like I'm letting them both down quite often. Not to mention I feel like I'm letting myself down because I can't find time to do anything for myself. I don't even shower alone because Swen climbs in the second he hears water. Hopefully I'll get into more of a routine soon and find a little time for myself each week. I'm not even going to aim for each day, ha!
11. When I miss out on doing things that aren't kid friendly, I don't really care. I seriously love these babies so much, and nothing is more important than them right now. I will have years and years to go to movies, plays, vacations, and late nights staying up with friends, and I know they'll be grown up before I know it.
12. I love not worrying about Kennedy. With Swen I always worried about his health and that I might be doing things wrong. I doubted myself in everything. Now that he's two and doing amazing, I know the way I raised him was the right way for him and our family. Of course things with Kennedy may be different because she's different and has different needs, but I'm not doubting my choices with her because I trust myself and my instincts.
13. If I knew blogging on my phone was this easy, I may have been better about updating this blog!
14. I have yet to decide which is harder, going from zero to one child or from one to two children. It goes both ways. With a first child, for me, it was a huge shock, going from being totally selfish to being completely selfless and caring for a baby. Not to mention the shock of sleep deprivation. With number two, I have already been a mom for two years, and I am used to sleep deprivation (remember Swen didn't sleep for 15 months and then when he did sleep, he for up at 5:00 every morning?). However, the business and craziness of two children is definitely hard. Feeling like one of them always needs something from me is exhausting. So I've decided it's a tie. But I have a hunch that going from 2 to 3 kids will be the hardest for sure. I can't even imagine it right now.
15. There's water all over my bathroom floor. Thank you, Swen. I should probably go get him out and clean that up. As well as remind myself about #4 above.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
More Titty, Big Cocks, and Bars
You might be wondering what those three things could possibly have in common. It just so happens that the three things Swen likes to talk about more than anything else are feeding kitty, cars, and granola bars. He just doesn't quite know how to pronounce them.
Swen loves to feed Kitty more than anything. He would feed her all day if he could, but he still doesn't quite know how to pronounce her name, and therefore calls her "Titty." That alone is funny enough, but now when he wants to feed her he runs around saying, "More Titty? More Titty" over and over. It cracks everyone up who hears it. I hope he never learns to say her name.
The second thing Swen loves is cars. Oh how he loves to carry them all around the house, line them up, and take them everywhere he goes. He also loves to ride in them! For how much he hated his car seat for the first eight months of life, he now loves to go anywhere. "Car" is also a very hard word to say, so he calls them some sort of a mixture between "gock" and "cock." Then my mom recently got her van fixed, and after he rode in that for the first time, it was love at first ride. He could see out the window at all the other cars! But he doesn't call her the van, "van." He calls it the "big cock." For some reason when he says the word big first, the /g/ sound is totally gone and it is definitely "cock." Haha! So now EVERY TIME I mention going bye-bye, the first thing he says is, "a big cock?" Then he just starts yelling it over and over. "A big cock! A big cock!" If we don't go in that van, he starts crying and saying "a big cock" in the saddest little voice.
"Bar" is the one word he says correctly. He doesn't go to bars, but he eats them. Granola bars are his very favorite snack. There was ONE single time when he wouldn't come inside from the backyard to take a nap, so I told him he could have a granola bar after night-night time. Now every time I tell him it's time for night-night, he says, "a bar?" Then he continually talks about bars until he falls asleep. It's adorable.
I love all these words he says, and I'm mostly glad that he isn't saying bad words because he's heard them from me. People who know me, know I don't have the cleanest mouth. :) Here are some pictures of my adorable children.
Swen loves to feed Kitty more than anything. He would feed her all day if he could, but he still doesn't quite know how to pronounce her name, and therefore calls her "Titty." That alone is funny enough, but now when he wants to feed her he runs around saying, "More Titty? More Titty" over and over. It cracks everyone up who hears it. I hope he never learns to say her name.
The second thing Swen loves is cars. Oh how he loves to carry them all around the house, line them up, and take them everywhere he goes. He also loves to ride in them! For how much he hated his car seat for the first eight months of life, he now loves to go anywhere. "Car" is also a very hard word to say, so he calls them some sort of a mixture between "gock" and "cock." Then my mom recently got her van fixed, and after he rode in that for the first time, it was love at first ride. He could see out the window at all the other cars! But he doesn't call her the van, "van." He calls it the "big cock." For some reason when he says the word big first, the /g/ sound is totally gone and it is definitely "cock." Haha! So now EVERY TIME I mention going bye-bye, the first thing he says is, "a big cock?" Then he just starts yelling it over and over. "A big cock! A big cock!" If we don't go in that van, he starts crying and saying "a big cock" in the saddest little voice.
"Bar" is the one word he says correctly. He doesn't go to bars, but he eats them. Granola bars are his very favorite snack. There was ONE single time when he wouldn't come inside from the backyard to take a nap, so I told him he could have a granola bar after night-night time. Now every time I tell him it's time for night-night, he says, "a bar?" Then he continually talks about bars until he falls asleep. It's adorable.
I love all these words he says, and I'm mostly glad that he isn't saying bad words because he's heard them from me. People who know me, know I don't have the cleanest mouth. :) Here are some pictures of my adorable children.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Miss Kennedy
Kennedy Webster Monson was born July 5th, 2014 at 9:41 a.m. The last few weeks of pregnancy seemed to take forever! Part this was because I had Swen a month early, and the other part was that I had no idea how she was going to be delivered.
I was really hoping to have a successful VBAC, and my doctor was very on board. However, with a previous c-section I couldn't be induced, so I would have to wait it out. He said that he doesn't like women to go past 41 weeks, so I had a c-section scheduled for July 8th at 5:00 PM (41 week mark). Once I hit my 36 week appointments, he started check my progress, or more accurately, lack of progress. Every single week, everything was the same. The same as in NOTHING was changing. I wasn't dilated at all at my 40-week appointment. I was so discouraged, and I asked him what he thought my chances were of going into labor on my own in the next week. He said it wasn't likely. He could tell I was upset, and said that he would be more than happy to move my c-section up to an earlier day. This was 4th of July weekend, but he didn't seem to mind.
So after thinking about it for a little bit, I called and made an appointment to go in earlier! I would go Saturday morning to have our little girl. I was so excited and so terrified at the same time. I remember the surgery with Swen and did not like any part of it (except that Swen and I both made it here alive of course). It was very rushed, and I had no idea what was going on. Then when Swen got here, they took him away from me, and I just lay there while they sewed me up. Plus the recovery was terrible. I was in so much pain and had lost so much blood that I felt so weak.
This time was completely different, and I can honestly say it was a GREAT experience. They weren't in a hurry because it wasn't an emergency, and they talked us through everything. They even had a mirror so I could watch her be born! The first thing I saw was a TON of dark, black hair. Then when they pulled her out, she was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. She also had the loudest cry I had ever heard from someone so little. They wrapped her up very quickly, and Matt held her right by my face the entire time that they were stitching me up. I didn't feel like I missed out on anything this time around, and it was a great experience. One of the nurses even told us that soon they will be doing skin-to-skin with all c-sections, which makes me so excited!
After three nights in the hospital, I finally got to bring her home. The adjustment to two kids really hasn't been too hard. She has the happiest little spirit about her. She loves to nurse and be held just like a typical newborn! Swen is doing great adjusting. He loves to put his cars and blocks all over her. He also likes to name all her body parts. I am so grateful for these two children, and I still can't believe they are both mine!
I was really hoping to have a successful VBAC, and my doctor was very on board. However, with a previous c-section I couldn't be induced, so I would have to wait it out. He said that he doesn't like women to go past 41 weeks, so I had a c-section scheduled for July 8th at 5:00 PM (41 week mark). Once I hit my 36 week appointments, he started check my progress, or more accurately, lack of progress. Every single week, everything was the same. The same as in NOTHING was changing. I wasn't dilated at all at my 40-week appointment. I was so discouraged, and I asked him what he thought my chances were of going into labor on my own in the next week. He said it wasn't likely. He could tell I was upset, and said that he would be more than happy to move my c-section up to an earlier day. This was 4th of July weekend, but he didn't seem to mind.
So after thinking about it for a little bit, I called and made an appointment to go in earlier! I would go Saturday morning to have our little girl. I was so excited and so terrified at the same time. I remember the surgery with Swen and did not like any part of it (except that Swen and I both made it here alive of course). It was very rushed, and I had no idea what was going on. Then when Swen got here, they took him away from me, and I just lay there while they sewed me up. Plus the recovery was terrible. I was in so much pain and had lost so much blood that I felt so weak.
This time was completely different, and I can honestly say it was a GREAT experience. They weren't in a hurry because it wasn't an emergency, and they talked us through everything. They even had a mirror so I could watch her be born! The first thing I saw was a TON of dark, black hair. Then when they pulled her out, she was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. She also had the loudest cry I had ever heard from someone so little. They wrapped her up very quickly, and Matt held her right by my face the entire time that they were stitching me up. I didn't feel like I missed out on anything this time around, and it was a great experience. One of the nurses even told us that soon they will be doing skin-to-skin with all c-sections, which makes me so excited!
After three nights in the hospital, I finally got to bring her home. The adjustment to two kids really hasn't been too hard. She has the happiest little spirit about her. She loves to nurse and be held just like a typical newborn! Swen is doing great adjusting. He loves to put his cars and blocks all over her. He also likes to name all her body parts. I am so grateful for these two children, and I still can't believe they are both mine!
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Inside my Crazy Pregnant Mind
I am over half way through my 39th week of pregnancy! It went by so fast that if I didn't look as big as a house, I wouldn't believe that I'm actually this far. I'm so grateful that I am healthy and that this baby sister will be fully grown and developed when she comes. No preemie clothes for her! I can't complain about this pregnancy at all. I am exhausted all the time, get worn out after about half an hour of anything, and have trouble sleeping, but that's about it. I know a lot of people have it worse, so I try not complain too much.
Now that I am one day from my due date (!), I am definitely freaking out. Good freaking out and bad freaking out. And that's what I want to write about tonight.
Let's start with the bad...
Swen is still waking up at 5:00 in the morning. It's killing me, and I'm not up all night nursing a newborn. I tried to keep him up late tonight to see if that would help. Then I got tired and decided to put him to sleep. FAIL.
Words can't express how sad I feel thinking that the days of having only Swen are over. Of course I'm excited to have a new baby sister; she was a planned baby! But I have just LOVED the past two years more than any other time in my life. I love being with Swen and don't want him to feel displaced. I worked part time just a little bit during his second year of life, but quit entirely a month ago. We have both gotten used to being together all the time. I don't know if it's the age/stage he's in or if he somehow "gets" that a baby is coming. He is so clingy right now and likes to be next to me constantly.
I am going to have to be in the hospital for 2-3 nights. BLAH! This means being away from Swen. Considering I was just complaining about him getting up super early, I should be excited for this little vacation. I'm definitely not. I'm dreading it. I lose sleep over it. I have left him overnight just two times in his whole life. The first time he was still nursing, so I saw him at 9:00 pm and again the next morning at 8:00. The second time was just recently for our anniversary We left about 4:00 pm and came home the next day about noon. So neither of these times did I go 24 hours without seeing Swen. I know that he will be able to come visit me in the hospital, but it still seems like way too long to be away from him overall.. Luckily Matt and I have lots of family around that Swen can be with. I should be planning times and whatnot with people, but I'm not. I plan on playing it all by ear depending on how he is doing and how I'm doing.
I'm going to have TWO kids. That explains itself.
That's enough of the bad. Here's all the GOOD freaking out going on in my mind:
I'm going to have a perfect little baby GIRL! I love babies, and I love being a mom. Like I said, raising Swen has been amazing and I have loved it all. The fact that I get to do that again is SO SO SO exciting. Every time I feel her move or see another little baby, I get more excited.
It's going to be a GIRL. In case you missed it in the last paragraph. I am so excited to put her in little pink clothes and bows. This could also go in the "bad freaking out" section, though, because I feel comfortable with a little boy, so a little girl is going to be all new.
I get to breastfeed another baby! Call me crazy, but some of my fondest memories were nursing Swen. I can't wait to get to do it all over again. And I don't have to figure out what to feed her which I'm finding quite the challenge with Swen these days.
I get to watch Matt be a daddy with another child. I knew when I married him that he was the companion for me. But I had no idea what kind of dad he'd be. It really could have gone both ways. I never knew that he would be the most patient, loving, caring, and giving dad that he is. He really loves Swen for the exact little person he is and isn't trying to change him or force things on him. He always puts him first and is already doing that with this little baby. I've been panicking about where she should sleep. Swen is in a little toddler bed that is right next to our bed. I was suggesting all these different ideas for where Baby Sister might sleep and Matt said, "Why don't I just go sleep on the couch for a bit, and she can sleep in bed with you? You know that is where she will sleep best, and it is easier for you to nurse her that way." This was the option I wanted all along, but I felt bad just kicking Matt out, so I didn't suggest it. But he remembered that is how Swen slept best, and will do whatever is best for his kids.
Right now that means sleeping on the couch here pretty soon-- and working lots so I can stay home with them. When discussing finances and our very tight budget, he has not once asked me when I am going to go back to work or even suggested I go back to work. I am grateful that he knows how important it is to me and important for them to have me home when they are young. Because Swen is a toddler right now, I am very particular about how he is raised. I would really struggle if someone else was dealing with his very "toddler" personality. I was just telling my mom how blessed I am to have a husband who is okay being poor and living in a one bedroom apartment (a very cute one though!). And also how grateful I am for her and my dad for having us live here as if it is our own little house, making it less stressful financially for me to stay home (I know my parents love it, but I'm still forever indebted). I owe all three of them my gratitude forever!
I get to hold a sleeping baby again. Swen only sleeps in beds now. I know this little baby girl will love being held, and I can't wait to do it!
Swen gets to be a big brother. It will be a while, but I know that one day the two of them are going to be best friends. And best enemies. :)
All these good freak-outs and bad freak-outs are the majority of what's keeping me up at night. I am so overwhelmed with excited, happy, sad, and scared emotions that it's hard to sleep. That and I have a giant baby inside me. She can come ANY day now. I'm really hoping for the 3rd of July, so let's plan on that.
Now that I am one day from my due date (!), I am definitely freaking out. Good freaking out and bad freaking out. And that's what I want to write about tonight.
Let's start with the bad...
Swen is still waking up at 5:00 in the morning. It's killing me, and I'm not up all night nursing a newborn. I tried to keep him up late tonight to see if that would help. Then I got tired and decided to put him to sleep. FAIL.
Words can't express how sad I feel thinking that the days of having only Swen are over. Of course I'm excited to have a new baby sister; she was a planned baby! But I have just LOVED the past two years more than any other time in my life. I love being with Swen and don't want him to feel displaced. I worked part time just a little bit during his second year of life, but quit entirely a month ago. We have both gotten used to being together all the time. I don't know if it's the age/stage he's in or if he somehow "gets" that a baby is coming. He is so clingy right now and likes to be next to me constantly.
I am going to have to be in the hospital for 2-3 nights. BLAH! This means being away from Swen. Considering I was just complaining about him getting up super early, I should be excited for this little vacation. I'm definitely not. I'm dreading it. I lose sleep over it. I have left him overnight just two times in his whole life. The first time he was still nursing, so I saw him at 9:00 pm and again the next morning at 8:00. The second time was just recently for our anniversary We left about 4:00 pm and came home the next day about noon. So neither of these times did I go 24 hours without seeing Swen. I know that he will be able to come visit me in the hospital, but it still seems like way too long to be away from him overall.. Luckily Matt and I have lots of family around that Swen can be with. I should be planning times and whatnot with people, but I'm not. I plan on playing it all by ear depending on how he is doing and how I'm doing.
I'm going to have TWO kids. That explains itself.
That's enough of the bad. Here's all the GOOD freaking out going on in my mind:
I'm going to have a perfect little baby GIRL! I love babies, and I love being a mom. Like I said, raising Swen has been amazing and I have loved it all. The fact that I get to do that again is SO SO SO exciting. Every time I feel her move or see another little baby, I get more excited.
It's going to be a GIRL. In case you missed it in the last paragraph. I am so excited to put her in little pink clothes and bows. This could also go in the "bad freaking out" section, though, because I feel comfortable with a little boy, so a little girl is going to be all new.
I get to breastfeed another baby! Call me crazy, but some of my fondest memories were nursing Swen. I can't wait to get to do it all over again. And I don't have to figure out what to feed her which I'm finding quite the challenge with Swen these days.
I get to watch Matt be a daddy with another child. I knew when I married him that he was the companion for me. But I had no idea what kind of dad he'd be. It really could have gone both ways. I never knew that he would be the most patient, loving, caring, and giving dad that he is. He really loves Swen for the exact little person he is and isn't trying to change him or force things on him. He always puts him first and is already doing that with this little baby. I've been panicking about where she should sleep. Swen is in a little toddler bed that is right next to our bed. I was suggesting all these different ideas for where Baby Sister might sleep and Matt said, "Why don't I just go sleep on the couch for a bit, and she can sleep in bed with you? You know that is where she will sleep best, and it is easier for you to nurse her that way." This was the option I wanted all along, but I felt bad just kicking Matt out, so I didn't suggest it. But he remembered that is how Swen slept best, and will do whatever is best for his kids.
Right now that means sleeping on the couch here pretty soon-- and working lots so I can stay home with them. When discussing finances and our very tight budget, he has not once asked me when I am going to go back to work or even suggested I go back to work. I am grateful that he knows how important it is to me and important for them to have me home when they are young. Because Swen is a toddler right now, I am very particular about how he is raised. I would really struggle if someone else was dealing with his very "toddler" personality. I was just telling my mom how blessed I am to have a husband who is okay being poor and living in a one bedroom apartment (a very cute one though!). And also how grateful I am for her and my dad for having us live here as if it is our own little house, making it less stressful financially for me to stay home (I know my parents love it, but I'm still forever indebted). I owe all three of them my gratitude forever!
I get to hold a sleeping baby again. Swen only sleeps in beds now. I know this little baby girl will love being held, and I can't wait to do it!
Swen gets to be a big brother. It will be a while, but I know that one day the two of them are going to be best friends. And best enemies. :)
All these good freak-outs and bad freak-outs are the majority of what's keeping me up at night. I am so overwhelmed with excited, happy, sad, and scared emotions that it's hard to sleep. That and I have a giant baby inside me. She can come ANY day now. I'm really hoping for the 3rd of July, so let's plan on that.
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