All Jobs Are Important

At the ripe age of one, Swen has begun to dream about his future. He has set a goal of what he would like to be when he grows up. He is not wishy-washy, and he has never changed his mind about his future career path. Before I let everyone in on his future, I want to remind you that all jobs are important. Society needs janitors, grocery store cashiers, plumbers, etc. These are all jobs that many of us don't view as "ideal professions," but it would be hard to function without them. It just so happens that Swen's dream job is one of these. It is a job that most of us wouldn't want to do, yet one that is critically important. Are you ready? Swen's dream is to become a garbage man! He loves the garbage more than anything in the world. He doesn't care about size, shape, color, or smell. Any garbage can is heaven to him. At home, all he wants is the garbage  cans in the kitchen or the bathroom. They are both up on counters now, but on very special days, the garbage comes down with a fresh bag, and Swen gets to play with it all he wants!

At every restaurant we go to, the first thing Swen finds is the garbage can. I know this is gross, but he's unstoppable. He needs to practice to gain experience for his future.

Guess where else there are garbage cans? The park! Who needs slides, swings, and climbing walls when there are garbage cans around? At every park, Swen immediately finds garbage to throw away. Why would I stand in the way of him saving the planet?

There you have it. Swen will be a garbage man when he grows up. I am so proud of him and his dreams. Next time you see a garbage man, think of baby Swen and remember that all jobs are important! 

He's Finally Perfect!

I have always said that Swen is my ALMOST perfect baby. I hear stories about other babies his age, and they scare me. Things like, "He won't eat" or "I can't take her anywhere" or "He bites everyone." The list goes on and on.

Swen hasn't really had any of these typical toddler behaviors (yet). He is very easy going and loves life. He explores the world as if nothing could go wrong. He eats all the time and has yet to bite or hit anyone. I actually prefer to take him out on errands rather than be bored with him at home. He is so easy to take places. And he doesn't cry very much either. The one thing that was stopping him from being absolutely perfect was how he pretty much refused to sleep more than two hours in a row. Ever.

UNTIL NOW!!

For months I have searched for anything and everything I could find to get Swen to sleep. And I tried most everything too! About a month ago, I gave up looking. I hated failing, and nothing seemed to be designed to meet Swen's needs. Then, when I wasn't even looking, I came upon this article:

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

I still don't know how I found it. I'm sure it was an answer to prayer (finally!). It was the only thing I ever read that met two criteria. First, it described Swen's problems perfectly--getting up every hour and only wanting to nurse. Second, and most importantly, it was a gentle, peaceful way to teach Swen to sleep. The second I read it I KNEW this was the answer to our problems. I typed out a checklist and stuck it on the fridge to motivate me because I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and it is supposed to take a couple of weeks, and I didn't want to give up. I could check off each night and watch myself get closer!

Following the plan, the first 3 nights I was to nurse Swen when he woke up but not let him fall asleep while nursing. I needed to lay him down in his crib while he was still awake. This was rough. He didn't like it one bit. But I was to stay right next to him, pat him, reassure him, sing to him, etc. until he fell asleep. After a couple nights, I could already see a difference!

After the third night, it happened to be our 15 month doctor appointment. I just switched to a new pediatrician, and I know he was another answer to my prayers. I explained our sleeping problems and also mentioned the new plan I was trying. He was so kind and non judgmental and made me feel like I was doing the exact right thing. I mentioned that I felt like everyone (including our previous doctor) kept telling me to let him "cry it out" alone in a room, so he would learn to self soothe and sleep through the night. I told him that this wasn't for us, and there has to be another way to fix this. His exact words were, "You need to do this gradually. Toddlers thrive with routine, and if you were to just change everything all at once by leaving him in a room to cry, there would be severe consequences, not only with his sleeping but with his entire life." He recommended to continue with the new plan, and to make sure Swen fell asleep in his crib right from the start. This way when he woke up in the night, he wouldn't be confused and wonder how he got into the crib. This was a huge change for us; I always nursed Swen and then rocked him to sleep and then laid him down.

However, I trusted this doctor and again felt like this was what I needed to do. So that night I laid Swen down and sang to him for 30 minutes until he fell asleep in his crib. Then I cried and cried. This is exactly what I wanted; still, it was hard for me not to put him to sleep the way I had for the past 15 months. The next four nights of the plan involved not nursing at all during the night, but instead, picking Swen up when he awoke, snuggling him, singing to him, and they laying him back down when he was still awake. This was harder, but I was going to do it, and sure enough, I continued to see a difference!

Now after two weeks of both the plan I found and the doctor's suggestion, Swen is sleeping through the night! He has slept through the night for the past 3 nights, so I think it is for real. The crib is in our room (which we love) and if he does wake a little, I just say, "night night" and he goes back to sleep. It was the longest two weeks of my life. Physically because I was getting even less sleep than before. Emotionally because I am nursing Swen less than I used to, and that has been much harder for me than I anticipated. I never had postpartum depression, but I could see myself getting post-weaning depression if that exists. Currently, he is only nursing when he wakes up in the morning, and that's it. I hope he doesn't give that up for quite a while.

I am so grateful that I randomly found this sleep plan and also found a great doctor at the same time. Prayer does work! I have no idea why my "Swen sleep issues" prayers took FOREVER to be answered, but I'm sure there's a reason, so I'll try not to complain.

Anyway, until my next Swen trial arises, I will enjoy my completely perfect boy!

Once morning comes, he still gets into bed. BEST EVER.

Hanging out in the gym at church. 

Swen's Words

Swen is learning some new words and imitating us constantly. I wanted to write them down real quick so I'll remember them. Right now his favorite words consist of:

up
this
uh-oh
thank you
da
mmmmmm

Adorable right?

Summer

Once again I'm way behind on updating things about life, so I will just try to sum up summer so far the best I can!

• Matt got the chance to go to Havasupi, near the Grand Canyon. He had an amazing time hiking and cliff jumping into bright blue waters. 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• My mom, Seth, Swen, and I all made a long trip up to Portland to visit my grandma. The car ride went surprisingly well. Seth took care of little Swen 80% of the time. The best day was going to the ocean and running in the waves. Swen loved the sand! 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• My grandma has the cleanest house in the entire world. It looks like nobody has ever lived there. While I was there, she told me every product she uses, how she cleans, and how often. I wrote it all down and am determined to make my house look like hers one day. 
• Swen is talking gibberish ALL the time. He gets books out and pretends to read them. It's just adorable. 
• Swen has a few real words: "uh-oh" "up" and his newest is "this" which he says while he points to everything he wants.
• Swen can climb up onto everything. His newest trick is getting up onto the shelf behind our couch. 
  
• Matt just finished his summer semester of school. He only has one semester until graduation! YAY!!!  I am exceptionally happy about this for a few reasons. First, he will be done with school and able to get a good-paying job. Second, we are really tired of paying money to that stupid school. My entire teaching bonus and all of our tax refund is completely gone to the University of Utah. We never liked having a savings account anyway. Third, and the most exciting, is that he will be home more!
• We have sacrificed  a lot so I can stay home with Swen, and after a year of not working, I am now working very part time (around 7-9 hours a week) at Macaroni Grill to help with finances and tuition. I guess this is a third reason I'm glad Matt's almost done. I am a wimp and don't like working at all. Even though it is just 2-3 days a week for just a few hours at the most, I feel like I'm missing out with Swen. He learns new things every day. He won't stay little for long, and I will be putting in two weeks' notice two weeks before Matt's graduation. :) The one good thing about working at Mac.Grill is sometimes I get to work with my little brother Isaiah, and I love that because he's busy and I don't see him too much.
• I am so proud and excited for Matt to be finishing school! I think it is something he never thought would really happen. I always knew he would get it done, and I know that although it has been hard, it is totally worth it for him to get a degree! Education is so important.
•  With school and work, Matt is very busy, but he always makes time to play with Swen. He takes a bath with him every night he's not at work. Swen much prefers taking baths with Daddy over me just sitting outside the bath and cleaning him as fast as possible.
• Swen loves playing with Kitty ALL the time. He laughs and laughs while chasing her around.
• My mom and I were supposed to start training for a 5K. Which hasn't happened.... Maybe next week?
• I've tried several new recipes. They all sucked. Matt's exact words were, "You should just stick with making what you know. Those always taste OK." Haha! Just OK is a great way to describe my food.
• We left Swen for an entire night for the first time!  He stayed with my parents and didn't miss me at all. My mom was so nice to get up with him over and over all night long. I was her worst sleeper as a baby, and now she is up with my horrible sleeping baby.
• Swen still is a horrible sleeper. Matt has three weeks off before fall semester begins, and he has been taking over trying to get him to sleep, and I think it is working because if I'm not around, he doesn't think about nursing.
• Swen has recently decided to be a vegetarian. I hope this phase ends soon.
• Matt's mom has summer vacation, so Swen has been able to spend some more time over there! Here's what happened on one of his visits. 
  

Life is just wonderful right now, and I still LOVE being a mommy more than anything in the entire world! 

My Saturday

Remember how forever ago I wrote a blog about breastfeeding? I wrote how wonderful it is and how much I love it. I also wrote how I had no need for a pump because I am blessed to be able to stay at home with Swen. Well, it's still wonderful, but after 13 months I had to go buy a breast pump.

Swen had been sick for a couple days starting Thursday. Friday night he was having a horrible time sleeping (worse than normal, and it's always bad). He wouldn't nurse and actually bit me really hard a couple times. He had never bitten me before! It scared me, and I jumped and firmly said, "Don't bite me, Swen." He screamed for a bit and finally, I just decided to take him out to the rocking chair to hold him so maybe we could both sleep.

Just as I got him to sleep in the rocking chair, I discovered I was freezing cold. Like I was shivering to death. I had a warm baby and two blankets on me. I didn't want to move because Swen was finally asleep. After an hour and a half of shivering, I finally laid Swen down and took some medicine. I went into the bedroom to wake up Matt, hoping he could help me get warm, and after about an hour, I finally fell asleep. I didn't wake up til 10:30. I never sleep that long anymore. I woke up feeling a little better, but not great.

Swen only nurses a few times a day now, usually mornings, nap time, and night time. Considering it was morning, I went to feed Swen but he wouldn't nurse. He would put his mouth on me and then take it off and cry. I must have scared him really badly the night before because he was totally afraid to nurse! Meanwhile, I was becoming more and more engorged as the day went on and feeling sicker and sicker. I was pretty sure I had mastitis, but hoped I could make it go away on my own. The problem is that the best cure is to nurse lots, but Swen would NOT nurse. He was miserable. He wouldn't eat, drink from his sippy cups , or nurse. He would just cry to me and do what he does when he wants to nurse. Then I would try to nurse him, and he would get scared and cry. Over and over. It was sad for me to see him so upset when there was nothing I could do. I really thought this was it, that he was done nursing. Would it be the end of the world? No. He is 13 months old after all! But I always thought I would at least know when the "last time" would be.

As the day progressed, nothing changed except I felt worse and worse. Finally, at around 6:00, I decided I needed to go buy a breast pump. I was so engorged and sore. I found an electric pump for $60 (money we do not have right now). I went home and read the directions on how to use the thing. Sure enough, it was pretty simple and it actually worked! I couldn't believe that there was actually milk coming out! I was able to get 5 ounces from both sides. I am sure that Swen gets WAY more milk than that because he is efficient, but I am grateful that the cheapest pump I could find worked that well and made me feel a little better.

Considering Swen hadn't eaten or drunk anything all day, I wanted him to drink this milk! He had never had a bottle before because there was no need to give him one. He just uses sippy cups to drink. Earlier in the day, I had tried a random bottle, thinking maybe he would drink some regular milk from it, but he threw it right down. But this pump came with its own bottle, so I put the breast milk I had pumped in it and gave it to him. At first screamed at me for even trying, but I just shoved it in his mouth, so he could see what it was. He hit the bottle onto the floor and then stopped short and looked at me as if to say, "This is what I want!" He grabbed the bottle off the floor and started chugging. He chugged the entire bottle in minutes. It made me tear up to watch him. I knew he had wanted my milk all day, but he was too scared to nurse. But even after this bottle, he still wouldn't.

Swen was feeling better because he had gotten what he needed, but I was getting worse. So off to the doctor I went. I put it off a long time becuase we don't have insurance right now, and it is $140 to walk into a clinic. Luckily, I  didn't change my last name, and my mom has a Flex card that I was able to use. Because we have the same last name, I could pass as one of her unmarried children.

When I got there, I had a temperature of 103 and my heart rate was way up from the high fever. My left breast was badly infected and red. I had been so focused on getting Swen to nurse that I hadn't realized how sick I was. The doctor gave me a shot with a huge dose of antibiotics so they would start working right away. I came home and, once again, tried to nurse Swen, but he still wouldn't do it. So, I pumped some more, and he drank it from the bottle again.

Late Saturday night, after pumping AGAIN, my prayers were answered, and Swen nursed great. The pump was never able to drain me enough to not feel engorged, but Swen did the job. It hurt so badly on my infected side, but I know he needed to do it.

Long story, I know.  But I have realized that I am so grateful for breast pumps. How wonderful is it that mothers who work can use them or those who have a baby that can't latch on. But I'm also grateful that I didn't have to use one this past year. It was such a hassle, and I truly admire moms who do it regularly! Washing the pump and the bottle was annoying, and while I was pumping I couldn't hold Swen or do anything for him, and it took FOREVER to get milk. Still, I'm glad I have a pump now for all my future babies who might need pumped milk at some point, and it was fun to see how they work.

Swen is ONE!

Before having Swen, the previous eight years of my life seemed to go by very very very slowly. While I was in college, my parents paid for most of my school, but I still needed to work to help pay what I could. I waited tables. It was a long four years. After I graduated, I thought I had found my dream job. I was going to teach kindergarten! Unfortunately, it was really hard. I had horrible kids. I felt like my weeks were never ending. Luckily, I met Matt in the end, and that it made go by faster, but it still wasn't fun.

Now when I want my life to slow down, it just seems to have disappeared. It has been an entire year since I brought this perfect little baby home from the hospital. I cannot believe it. I had a couple of cry sessions the week before his birthday asking myself how this happened. I am not a crier! I now understand when other parents tell me to enjoy ALL the tiring, long, hard, amazing, and fun moments because they will be gone before I know it. I have been really cherishing my time with Swen the last couple of weeks because of how fast it hit me that he will grow up way too quickly.

When Swen was little, I thought to myself that a newborn is the best age of babies. I would look at older babies and dread it! I didn't think it could be as good as it was right in that moment. Then as he grew older, I realized that each new stage is just as good, if not better than the one before. However, I am CONVINCED one year old is the very best age there is. I love having a toddler. He has this huge personality in a little tiny (well if a fat baby can be called tiny) body. He toddles around talking in his baby words while destroying everything he can. Then while he is messing up whatever room he's in, he laughs as if it is the best thing in the world. Right now his favorites are pulling all the wipes out of the container, taking laundry out of drawers, removing DVD's from drawers, and emptying all the cupboards. Isn't he talented?

Another of his greatest talents is eating/nursing. I no longer need to use our garbage disposal. He wants everything we are eating or drinking. Especially if we are eating pizza or macaroni and cheese. Swen still loves to nurse. He doesn't need to nurse as frequently as before, just a few times a day. I don't see him giving it up any time soon.

Swen's biggest talent of all is NOT sleeping. This past week has actually started to improve a bit. I'm hoping the trend continues. I'm tired of being tired all the time!

We had a wonderful 1st birthday party for him with family. My mom did such a good job blogging about it that I don't need to. You can read about it here:

 http://itslegs.blogspot.com/2013/05/that-baby-was-born-five-weeks-early.html

Here are way too many pictures of our little ONE YEAR OLD SWEN! I'm so grateful to be a mom and to be able to be with him all day.... and night. Actually, that's a lie. I would like to be far, far away from him at night. :)

Random Things

Lately, I'm too tired to think of a cohesive way to write all the things I want to. Instead I will write randomly some things going on lately that I want to remember.

1. I loved general conference this weekend. It took me a long time to "grow up" and realize how great general conference really is. It was a few years ago that I really wanted to sit down and watch all the sessions. When President Monson speaks, there is no doubt in my mind that he is the living prophet. I am so grateful for him and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

2. While so grateful for church, I am having a hard time in the ward I'm in now. It's a good thing I have my parents because I'm pretty sure, without them, I'd have no friends there. It's not anyone's fault. Overall, the people are nice, but it seems as though everyone already has his or her own groups of friends, and nobody else is welcome to join. I could probably try yo be a little more social too, I guess. It's a good thing the church is true whether I have friends in the ward or not.

3. Swen is a genius. This past week he has learned two amazing things. He can wave hello or bye-bye. It's one of the most adorable things he does. He twirls his left hand  around while opening his fingers over and over and he does it ALL the time. Another new trick is that he has randomly decided to help me when he gets his diaper changed. He lies on his back and spreads his legs wide open for me while I change him. It's so funny. I crack up every time.

4. In addition to being a genius, Swen has also developed a sense of what he wants. And when he wants something, he REALLY wants it. When he doesn't get it, he gets super mad, screams, and throws himself backwards. The thing that makes him the most mad right now is when he can't go outside. Every time the door opens, he crawls to it as fast as he can and the screams the second it closes. Luckily, the weather has been great so we've been going on lots of walks. Seth loves to take him out to swing on the playground  so he does that almost every day too.

5. I've finally figured out how to iron dress shirts. It has taken a long time, and now I actually enjoy doing it.

6. Being a mom gets better and better all the time. After 26 years of being in school and not only working, but excelling, in a variety of jobs, I have found my calling in life. I was meant to be a mother. I have never been so happy in my life to be with a tiny little person all the time. There is no greater gift than a child, and I'm so grateful for the blessing of being Swen's mommy.

7. Swen is still an AWFUL sleeper. He literally wakes up between 10 and 20 times a night to nurse a little. Before each night, I tell myself that I will NOT nurse him. I'll rock him, or snuggle him, or do whatever he needs until he goes back to sleep. However, when I'm exhausted already, that is the last thing I want to do, so I just nurse him all night long. My mom keeps telling me he will learn to sleep eventually, but it is getting harder and harder to believe her. I try to remind myself of all the other things I didn't think he would ever do- ride in his car seat,  not need to be held all the time, eat people food. He struggled with all of these things, and I just waited patiently. I never pushed him or forced him to do anything. Sometimes I'd pull over 8 times going on a 10-minute drive and take him out of his car seat so he wouldn't scream. He now rides in it happily almost all of the time. He also loves to play by himself and is slowly learning to eat food. So for now I am trying to be patient and not die. In the not too distant future, Swen will NEVER want to sleep in bed with me again, so I will enjoy it now. Are there some things I might do differently with Swen's sisters (haha get it?)? Probably, but it is too late to look back with Swen now, and he is a great snuggler. Here is a picture Matt snapped when he got home from work one night.

I look ugly while I sleep, yet I still love this picture so much.

8. We finally got a hiking backpack. It works great for hiking and it works even better for getting things done around the house. I love it.

Teaching Swen how to rock climb already!

9. Matt is still a cute husband and dad. I won a gift card for a free night downtown at a super fancy hotel, and it doesn't expire until July. Then this short conversation happened:
ME: I bet by July I may feel comfortable leaving Swen for a night so we can get away.
MATT: Yeah, but I think it would be really fun to take Swen to explore downtown and take him swimming at the hotel.
I don't know many guys that would chose to bring their baby instead of having a night away. He truly is a great dad and loves playing with Swen.

10. I make up songs for Swen to the tunes of church hymns. I can't sing, but he loves them anyway. This is his favorite (if you know the hymn "I need thee every hour" then you know how this song sounds.
I love you all the time.
You're my little perfect boy.
I love you with all my heart.
Forever and ever.
I love you. Oh I love you. All the time I love you.
You're my perfect little baby.
I'll love you forever.

I sing that to him whenever he's nursing. He just looks at me and listens. It's the most peaceful part of my days.

11. I am obsessed with taking pictures of my model baby. I'm almost up to 1000 between my phone and camera. This is after deleting the ones that have already been developed.

Words of Advice

Recently, I've come to discover a big mistake I made. I thought I'd share it, hoping nobody follows in my footsteps.

DON'T buy a dog just because you want a baby. About two years ago, I started thinking that I really wanted a baby. However, timing wasn't quite right, and babies don't just come "on demand" like TV shows. So what's the next best thing? A dog of course! I have always loved boxers, so I started looking into boxer breeders in Utah. I even contacted one asking about price and colors. She said her next litter should be coming in August and she would let me know when the puppies arrived. When I asked Matt about getting a dog, he kept saying, "You can decide. You'll make the right choice." I decided to wait a little bit, thinking that would help. Then, this breeder contacted me saying she had a puppy who was a little older than usual because the elderly woman who originally bought her couldn't take care of her (what 90 year old woman buys a boxer puppy??). She then started putting pictures of this adorable owner-less puppy all over my Facebook! I was in school meetings, and I started texting Matt right away. He was being his usual self and completely ignored anything to do with buying a dog. Since he didn't say no, I told the lady I wanted her! I was so excited. I  called Matt, and he said, "Are you serious?" He may or may not have said a swear word mixed in that sentence as well. I told him I needed to drive to Nephi to pick her up, and I had no idea where that was, but he said he wasn't coming with me.  (Needless to say, he didn't really want a dog). So I called my mom, and she was more than happy to drive with me. She loves boxers too! When we picked her up, she was the sweetest dog ever. I just loved her. See how excited I was?

The joy continued for a long time. Matt even grew to love her. She really was the best dog ever. We took her to Petco on shopping trips and walked her to various places. We even took her to restaurants that had outside eating, so she could come with us. It was wonderful. Then a few months later I was pregnant! How exciting! I dreamed of Kitty playing with our little baby. It was all going to be great. Then I got home from the hospital and when I saw Kitty, I cried. I couldn't believe I had to take care of this little person all on my own, and I sure didn't want a dog to take care of too. On top of that, Kitty started chewing up every thing in the house the day Swen came home. She also started climbing on the kitchen counters to find food, which never happened until Swen came home. Now that Swen is older, I actually love seeing them play together. He LOVES her, and she is amazing with him. She lets him pull, scratch, hit, and bite her. She is a great dog with kids, and I think as Swen gets older, the fun will grow. However, after she chews my shoes, clothes, Swen's books and toys, or eats an entire box of freshly baked fudge off the counter (don't worry, she's okay), I REALLY wish I didn't get her.

My advice: don't buy a dog just because you want a baby.

LIfe at 9 Months

Swen has been out in this world longer than he was inside of me now. Since he was five weeks early, this actually happened a while ago, but I didn't really think about it until just now. He has brought Matt and me more joy than we could have ever imagined. In addition to the pure and most unconditional love imaginable, he has brought stress and exhaustion this past month.

Let's start with all the great things. Swen has the best personality ever. He is always talking and laughing. Right now his vocabulary consists mostly of "ga" and "ba." He sometimes throws some other sounds in there, but those are definitely his most favorite words. He uses these two words to talk about whatever he is feeling. He will proudly say "ga" when he has stood up tall all by himself. Then will loudly yell "ga" when he is really mad about something. I love it.

Swen moves around everywhere. He crawls and cruises along the furniture to find dangerous things to play with. He really loves cords, cell phones, laptops, and most of all Kitty's food. I'm pretty sure I've had to change his clothes 4 times this week from him getting into Kitty's water. He also loves to follow me wherever I go and help with whatever I'm doing.

Swen is starting to love people food. He still hates all baby food (can you blame him?) but loves to eat what we are eating. His favorites right now are cheese and chicken. One thing that is a little troubling is that he despises fruits. Of course the one thing that I really didn't want to pass on to him was my disgust for those slimy things that grow on trees. However, I'm afraid this might be the case. He has not liked any of the fruits we have given him to try. Just this morning he took a banana and threw it on the ground before even trying it, and then went on to eat the cheese and toast on his tray. We will keep trying, but it isn't looking very promising. He also still LOVES to nurse. So do I.

At his 9 month appointment, we learned that we have one short, fat baby! He is in the 48 percentile for weight and the 11 percentile for height This didn't surprise us because all his clothes are way to long, yet tight around the waist. Some words people have used to describe him are round, fat, thick, chubby, and like a brick. We were so grateful to find out he is still perfectly healthy and developing great.

With all these great developments, Swen has decided that sleep is not something he wants to do anymore. I'm sure most of these blog posts mention his sleeping habits, probably for two different reasons. First,  I LOVE to sleep. Before he was born, I slept ten hours a night and napped every day. It was wonderful. So getting used to little sleep has been the hardest adjustment for me. Second, Swen is the absolute worst sleeper that has ever been born. He is sleeping worse than when we was a newborn. I feel wonderful when he gives me three hours in a row. Sadly, I haven't had three hours in a row in a while now. I think in February he had two "good" nights where he only woke up 3 or 4 times. Other nights he wakes up at least ever hour. I honestly don't know what to do. Our newest idea was to remove a side of Swen's crib and then connect the crib to our bed. To the left is how it worked last night.

Tonight will be night two, so maybe it will go better.

Along with this no sleep, I'm trying to keep him alive. Between head bonks, electrical sockets, bath tub gymnastics, potential fingers slammed in drawers, stairs, and choking hazards, I'm always saving him from something. It is very wearing, and I'm sure it's only going to get worse one he learns to walk.

Sometimes I get discouraged because all my days consist of preventing Swen from killing himself, as well as playing with him while trying to keep up with housework. At the end of the night, I'm exhausted from working SO hard but then feel like I have nothing to show for it. Then there are the endless questions like "When are you going back to teach?" and  "Isn't Matt still in school- don't you guys need money?" I know nobody is trying to stress me out, and I'm overly sensitive because of being tired, but these questions make me tear up. I often wish I never got my degree because then people wouldn't expect me to be teaching. I have a contract on my fridge for next year for a teaching job that would give us a salary again with great benefits, making it so we would not have to worry about money at all.

But then, just now, I read something that I've read before, but not since I've had Swen: "Mothers who have young children in the home should devote their primary energies to the companionship and training of their children and the care of their families, and should not seek employment outside the home unless there is no other way that the family's basic needs can be provided." - Dallin H. Oaks. In this economy there are so many women who would love to be able to stay home with their kids but have to work to help support the family. I am so grateful to be able to stay home and be a full time mom, and I'm blessed to have a college degree for emergencies. Instead of getting sad or defensive when people question what I'm doing with my life, I'm going to try and be proud and say, "I'm a mom! Matt and I choose to have 'less' so I can be a stay-at-home mom. It's the most important job in the world and I get to do it." 

I truly love being a mommy more than I can describe. I am so grateful to have Swen and the opportunity to take care of him.This was a long post, but I still feel it is missing something. Oh yes, Swen pictures.

I did not put him in a bowl. That would be his daddy.

He Crawls!

As of Tuesday, February 5th, 2013 Swen is an amazing crawler. He has been working on this for a long time and all of a sudden he was a pro! In the last three days he has been crawling everywhere and getting into everything. He LOVES to be mobile. His favorite is to crawl to where ever I am sitting and try to climb up on me. He also likes to follow me around our little house. I am so proud of him. There are also going to be tons of pictures that follow this video of him crawling, so get ready!